Clair de Lune

3. Travel

I bolted upright, the last wisps of a nightmare releasing their hold on me while I listened to the rain pounding against the roof outside. It had been a few days since it last rained, but here it was again, the beginnings of a storm probably not too far behind it. I took a few deep breaths as my eyelids drooped, the heaviness itself almost luring me back into the trance of sleep. I shook it off as I got up, deciding I didn't want to go back to bed at the moment, and instead walked over to my desk and took a seat.

Whenever I'd wake up out of a dead sleep, I'd pull the notebook off of the shelf and write down what I remembered. It was never much, but I felt like it was what I had left of what I remembered before I came here. I was three when everyone else was four or five, and I'd been told I was a ward of the state since birth. That thunder though, it rang in my head like gunshots. I could never shake the fear it gave me, and it just seemed to get worse and worse-

Something dropped onto the paper. I looked down, only to see a speckle of blood occupying the space between two lines. I scrambled to find a tissue and dug the box out of its drawer, wadding up a few white sheets and holding them to my nose. They weren't frequent, but nosebleeds weren't something I wasn't accustomed to. Every once in awhile when my thoughts were running wild and my emotions were running high, my capillaries would announce they'd had enough of it by giving me a wicked migraine and a nosebleed. Just as I thought about it I felt my head begin to throb and I decided that I needed to get some water or even something to eat to try and help.

I ducked into the hallway as quietly as I could, knowing that we weren't supposed to be wandering the house while everyone else was asleep. My footsteps were silenced by fuzzy blue socks as I treaded across the foyer and into the kitchen, knowing my way around well enough to leave the lights off. I walked over to the cabinet and pulled out a glass, filling it up with water and watching the rain fall outside while I sipped at it. My stomach grumbled quietly and I chuckled, resting my hand on a patch of bare skin between my shirt and my sweats. An apple would probably be plenty enough to settle the gurgling.

I was just about to reach for the fridge handle when I realized someone else was in the room. He jerked his hand back when I let out a gasp, and in the darkness I could make out a taller figure, his eyes glinting in the light that was coming from outside. I laughed when my heart settled its frantic rabbit-thumping and I was able to properly identify the perpetrator.

"Jordan, you scared me half to death." I breathed, a smile still on my face. "What are you doing awake?"

"I couldn't sleep because of the storm, I could be asking you the same thing." He grumbled, his willingness to talk lowered even further now that he was groggy.

"I had a nightmare and when I got up my head was pounding. I thought some water would help, and it did." I felt my smile fade slightly. "I think I'll be heading back to bed now though. You should get some sleep Jordan, the storm will pass soon."

He paused as if he'd been contemplating something before speaking again, "Agnes, why don't you like me?"

"What do you mean?" I asked gently, doing my best not to offend him. Truth is, I was becoming more and more uncomfortable the longer we stood here, alone together in the dark.

"You're always hanging out with Nolan and I know Hailey can be mean, but I don't want you to think any less of me because of her."

I felt genuinely bad, I did hold a little resentment over the fact he was blood related to Hailey. I guess I hadn't really given him a chance to be friends properly, let alone act like siblings. A small smile tugged on the corners of my lips and I knew it was my turn to be the nice guy.

"I don't think any less of you. I'm sorry I've made it seem like I don't like you, I guess I get treated so bad by the rest of the house I just thought you'd do the same."

"I'd never treat you like that." He shook his head. "You're too nice Aggie, I don't like how mean they are to you."

"Well thank you, that really means a lot to me." I felt myself ease out of my tension slightly. "Why don't we head back to bed? It's late and I'm sure we'll have things to do tomorrow."

He nodded, turning around and leaving the room without saying goodnight. I felt a little guilty, but there was something else behind it all that stuck out in the back of my mind and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I decided it was best not to linger on something unidentifiable, so I pushed it out of my mind, grabbed my apple from the fridge, and walked back to my room.

Once I was behind closed doors again I climbed back into my blankets, wrapping a small crocheted throw around myself and biting into the red fruit. It tasted good and helped to ease the headache even further, leaving me finally able to feel properly groggy again. Once I finished my snack I took one more drink of water and flopped over, snuggling into the comforter and closing my eyes.

Thunder rang in the distance. The smile fell from my face instantly and I opened my eyes, my grogginess now filled with a sudden irritation and nervous glances around the room. Lightning struck somewhere and my room lit up, once again revealing the shadows dancing in the corners. Sleep was no longer an option, so I took the crocheted blanket and wrapped it around myself before walking back out into the living room. The bay window was as comfortable as ever when I leaned my head back against it, pulling my legs up to my chest in an attempt to soothe myself while I watched the rain pour outside.

I longed for the day I didn't have to feel this fear anymore. I'd be sitting somewhere on the west coast with the boy I loved, watching the sun rise where it didn't rain, and we'd be happy. I'd be far away from here and I wouldn't regret never turning back. Maybe we'd run away from here, trace the stars with our fingertips and dance across the desert sands with bare feet while we camped outside of a fire. If there was anything I wanted out of this life, it'd be to spend the rest of it with him. I knew teenaged love was supposed to be fleeting and not concrete, but that just wasn't what it was between him and I. Thunder rumbled again and shook me out of my thoughts, sending a jolt of anxiety through my bones and making me huff in aggravation.

"Fuck."