Clair de Lune

5. California

There was no rain that night, but still, something kept me awake. It was three in the morning and I was staring at the ceiling, pretending I could see stars and constellations painting the plaster. I wanted to paint them, become the next Van Gogh, but I knew it'd never happen. I was average, I was the plain-Jane girl with nothing remarkable about her. I couldn't sing, I sounded like a dying goose. I couldn't play piano like Nolan, I'd only learned enough to play a few songs, but never well. I couldn't draw or paint, the most I could ever doodle was a stick figure. No, I just wasn't destined for creativity, and that was okay. I could work hard and put my all into something, and that's what mattered most importantly, no matter what your talents were.

I hated thinking about my future, in all truth and fairness. I never wanted to do something in particular, so I decided learning a few trades and getting a union job might've been the best way to go for me. I didn't want to be stuck behind a desk all day, or even worse, the counter of a fast food restaurant. While Nolan went off and became the next Beethoven, I'd stay back and do what I could to make us some money.

Suddenly I was restless, the need to wander taking over and pulling me from the clutches of sleep. I got out of bed and pulled on my sweats, brushing my hair out of my face as I walked out into the hallway. Everything was darker than usual, the illumination from outside having been dampened by the clouds. Even lightning without the thunder would've been better than this, but still I took a seat and looked outside. The light of the moon was trying so hard to shine through the clouds, leaving white patches hidden among the gray. It was pretty beautiful.

I closed my eyes and leaned back against the sill, humming to myself quietly while I thought about some things. If there was a God out there, I don't think he'd be torturing me this much every week with the weather. If he was, then he could go fuck himself. I never understood how people could really believe in a big guy hiding behind the clouds or take the teachings of the bible so seriously, no matter how much they contradicted themselves. I have had it forced down my throat at every turn, yet it's strange to see how it's affected different members of the household. While I despised religion with every fiber of my being, Nolan liked to think there were things to be taken from it that were positive. It was better than following every word blindly like Mrs. Walker, though.

As if just by merely thinking about him, I heard a small creak coming from down the hall, and a half naked figure entered my line of sight. I smiled slightly when Nolan approached me, rubbing his eyes before putting his glasses back on and smiling back at me. I held my hand out and he pulled me to my feet, letting me rest my head on his chest while he cradled me against him, swaying to some invisible beat.

"How did you know I was awake?" I whispered.

"It was just a hunch." He told me, his voice heavy with sleep. "This place is too quiet without the rain."

"I'm glad you think so too."

We broke into muffled laughter, his face buried in my crown of curls while I hid mine against his chest. I wanted to stay like this forever, but he pulled away from me, only to cup my cheek in his hand and look at me. His eyes caught hold of whatever light there was in the room and tossed it back to me, seeming almost ghostly in their complexion. I loved them, jade was my favorite color because of him. The thought of leaving popped into my head again, and I felt my shoulders droop suddenly.

"Hey, is something wrong?" He asked gently.

"Nolan, do you think we'll ever make it out of this town?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that we're stuck in this house with Mrs. Walker because we have to go through legal means just to be able to leave when we're eighteen." I scowled. "I want to leave, Nolan. I want to run as far as I can and never look back."

"I know, I want out too." He chuckled quietly, and I don't think he fully understood the gravity of my words.

"No, I mean I want to leave now." I pulled out of his grasp, shaking my head as I backed up a few steps. "I want to run away and disappear, and I don't want to ever come back here."

"Are you...are you being serious?"

I expected a condescending tone, the words "you're being an idiot" hidden behind it, but there was something else in his voice instead. A soft fear, yet the bravery of someone far older and wiser accompanying it. A smile twitched my lips and I felt like I might actually be able to pull this off.

"I have five grand hidden in my room," I whispered, "I found it in an old tin I dug up in the backyard a few years ago and I saved it because I knew I'd need it someday. We can take that money, pack our things, and go. We leave in the middle of the night and we never look back."

"You've been thinking about this for a while haven't you?"

"Yes." I told him the truth. "Nolan, we're never going to leave here if we don't do it now. We're going to be stuck in Brighton for the rest of our lives, miserable and sad because we never took our chance."

There was a patch of silence between us for the moment. I could tell he was thinking about it, considering the pros and cons to running away, debating whether or not it would be a good idea. Nolan looked up at me finally, a hard edge to his eyes I'd only seen a few times before. He looked determined, yet still held onto the caution that I knew I'd need him with me for.

"Where would we go?" He asked finally. "What happens if we get caught?"

"We go west," I grinned, "we go as far as we can, maybe even make it to the coast like you'd dreamt about." I could feel something trickling down my nose as I continued to speak. "If we get caught, there's nothing they can do to keep us here."

"Agnes, your nose is bleeding."

"I know." I laughed softly. "What do you say Nolan?"

"If we're going to do this, we can't do it tonight." He told me as he thought out a plan. "The night before your birthday, we'll go. That way you'll be eighteen and there won't be as many complications that could arise."

"I think that's a good idea."

He shook his head, a sudden smile pulling on the corners of his lips as he reached into his pocket and handed me a tissue. I took it gratefully and held it to my nose, the smell of blood only fueling me further in my quest to be free. I could smell the salt on the breeze now, imagine the waves and the sand between my toes.

"In a week we could be eating sushi and watching the waves." I told him as I stared at the sky outside. "I'm excited."

"I am too, but we should really be going back to bed." Nolan laughed, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pressing his lips to my cheek. A grin split them instantly, and I turned around to pull him into another hug.

"Deal." I whispered, allowing him to pull me back to my feet and escort me back down the hall to my room. Before I ducked inside I told him goodnight and gave him a soft, barely noticeable kiss and sent him on his way.

I flopped back down onto my blankets and closed my eyes, the smile on my face still present and not showing any signs of fading anytime soon. All of the things we could do flashed across my mind, all of the adventures we could have. For once I wanted to be normal, I wanted to have a normal life with an apartment and I wanted to date normally. No more overbearing parents or rude siblings, no more Bible Belt and no more restrictions on what we can and can't do, wear, and say.

I was ready for it.