Unbalanced Minds

Cold Familiarity

I am naked, not unclothed but exposed...You undress me, not my skin but my soul.

- e.h //

I've been here before. I recognize the sterile scent. Immaculate white and lemon yellow surfaces. There's cold salmon and white tile beneath my feet. The chill seeps through the flimsy grey socks assigned to me. I shiver. Cold. Sounds assault my ears from every direction. Muffled cries, shouting. Shuffling of papers. Intervals of fist pounding violently against unknown surfaces; silenced by a nurse only to start up again. Deafening exclamations followed by loud alarms and the hurried scuffle of feet. I flinch at each offending noise. They all sound harsh yet simultaneously familiar to me.  I glance to my right, clean pressed scrubs fill my vision. The man's tall. I do not dare look up to capture his face. 

A sudden sharp pain spreads through my upper arm, his hand is like a vice. Instead of crying out I shift my eyes to the floor. As we continue to walk I take note of the tile patterns,  there's even a bit of grey tile mixed in with the salmon and the white. Their pattern's a monotonous white, salmon, followed by some grey. I repeat the pattern to myself like a mantra; this  helps to block out the sounds. White, Salmon, Grey, White- abruptly a harsh noise breaks through the cocoon I have constructed.

Shattering it like the sudden popping of a balloon.

I look up: we've reached the nurses station. Routinely I extend my right hand, there's a shrill beep!  as the nurse scans my bracelet. I extract my arm quickly and place it tightly by my side. A small white cup's pushed towards me across the counter. In it are two tablets. I hesitate. The nurse coaxes me gently, I can't make out her words. I conclude she's nicer than the man. Quickly I down the contents of the little cup. I'm given water, I'm shaking and so spill some on myself. The nurse says something else. I open my mouth wide and stick out my tongue. She nods, satisfied. I close my mouth. 

The male nurse leads me to an alcove. In it, two rooms, a bathroom, and a shower. One of the rooms doors is shut, a towel drawn down over the small square window. The other is open. I'm ushered inside. A bed, a shelf unit, and a metal chair. The mans voice is deep and stern. I sit on the bed. I hear his footsteps recede and the door close. Pulling the scratchy white sheet around me, I begin to cry. I've been here before.