Unbalanced Minds

Crystalline Stereo

You have it now and that is all your whole life is; now.

There is nothing else than now.

There is neither yesterday, certainly, nor is there any tomorrow.

How old must you be before you know that?

If you stop complaining and asking for what you never will get, you will have a good life

- e.h //

"My parents searched my room! They found all  my alcohol - well actually, just the empty bottles I left laying around. They never bother looking in my room! anyway, they did, so they shipped me here, "

Robyn says pausing the take a breath, a sly smile painted on her lips.

"They said I have to live with my uncle - but I don't want to live with him. So,"

She leans against the table and lowers her voice,

"I told him if he bought me a vinyl stereo along with vinyls - than I'd go live with him."

I take a bite of my BLT. Tins more impressed than I,

"That's genius,"

"You think he'll do it?"

Robyn leans back and  lethargically  takes a sip of her drink.

"There's no doubt about it"

She says with a devious smirk.

The BLT is one of the better options on the menu. I shudder inwardly, recalling how awful the tortillas tasted. I've been here enough times to know what to circle on the meal sheet. Robyn changes the subject to drugs, more specifically marijuana. She and Tin speak animatedly on the subject, it's legal now apparently.  Although it's frowned upon by some still - Including the nurse who is watching our table. I see her frown deeply, won't be long until she walks over here to silence the conversation. best not to get involved, I get up and place my mostly empty tray on the Dolley. Blue calls to me from her spot by one of the large windows on the back wall of the room. The spot overlooks the entrance to out patient/partial.

"The guy I'm in love  with is in partial,"

She informs me,

"Really"

I say, taking note of the fresh looking cuts on her arm. They look to clean to be scratch marks. I conclude she must have smuggled in something sharp. It's a bit concerning to know that your roommate has a sharp object. Especially if you know, like I do, that she has the capacity to use it on you as well as herself. I silently hope she does not ever have cause to act.

"Yes," She continues dreamily. "I'm going to make him see me when I get out," she looks out the window, the crazed look in her eye does not escape my notice. I get the feeling her feelings are unrequited, from the way she continues to talk about him. Soon the trolleys are carted away and nurses set up 'DBT Jeoperdy' on the chalk board. It's lame yet entertaining to watch, however we are all put into teams and forced to participate. I'm trying to make the most of it. Blue is told to stop hovering by the window, to sit on the other side of the table. She beckons me over,

"Will you do me a favor?"

My heart sinks, but remembering she has a 'weapon' on her or most likely in her room - I do what she asks. Simple really, keep watch on the entrance, when a guy matching her description exits: 'report' back to her. I feel uneasy about the whole thing....don't want any part in spying on the poor target of her affections. Yet I oblige, albeit reluctantly.

Blue's fidgeting in her seat, I can tell she's itching to ask if I'd seen him yet. I haven't. Alternating between participating and looking at the entrance - a steady stream of youth and their guardians exit. He's easy to spot, walking along side an older women. Guilt pulls at me as I watch and I look away - murmuring to Blue I had seen him. She asks me various airy questions that I answer in monosyllables. The game ends, a nurse erases the chalk from the board. A grin splits across Blues heavily blemished face, she prattles on about the boy. I feel slightly ill. A nurse calls out a list of names, 'school' block. To my relief Blue's name sounds off and I watch as she practically skips to the library.

Crafts. That is what the rest of us are busied with. A good 'coping' skill if ever there was one. Emma, nurse on duty lays pre-cut paper snowflakes on the table we are all clustered around. She says we should make some decor for the upcoming holiday. I take a marker and color my snowflake purple, tacking it to a white piece of construction paper. Around the snowflake I write quotes and lyrics. A mix running from Christmas songs to Metallica. The whole endeavor takes about forty five minutes, I take my time carefully outlining and re outlining every word. It's relaxing. The other patients seem to think so I lift my head and look around, it's nice. Almost silent. For once. All the other patients in the wing are busied with various activities. Emma is pleased with our work and a bit relieved - we haven't drawn anything obscene or too 'morbid' this time around.  She's impressed so the radio is allowed to be brought to our table and powered on. We take turns choosing songs - and for awhile it's almost peaceful.