Negan wasn't always the tyrannical leader he became during the apocalypse. Before he had a meager life. A wife. A house. Bills. Even a mistress. But when Lucille was diagnosed with cancer he took it as a sign from above that he needed to stop. Devot...
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Rachel had it planned out. After school she was going to invite Negan over for dinner and break the news. Having taken two at home tests the day before. She was scared at his reaction, what girl wouldn't be? But she knew he'd probably be thrilled.
But as the pains began she knew something was wrong. As she collapsed she knew it was all over. The paramedics words and Negan's expression making her feel like she'd fallen and would never get back up. The ambulance ride to the hospital was quick, she barely remembered it. Hell she barely remembered when they took her into the hospital and began examining her.
All she knew was that her baby was dead. And there wasn't anything she could do to help.
The last thing she remembered was the anesthesiaolgist putting the clear mask over her nose and mouth. Taking a deep breath before her vision blurred and she succumbed to the darkness. ----------------------------------------------------------- Rachel paced around her apartment anxiously, still in her clothes she'd worn to work. Although she'd let her hair down now. Dinner was on the table as she waited for Negan. The little gift bag ready for him, the two positive tests wrapped in tissue paper.
As she heard him knocking she grinned, walking over to the door and pulling it open. Immediately pulling him in for a delicate kiss. Her eyes gleaming with pure joy.
"Woah.. Missed you too." He winked at her as he walked inside. Inhaling deeply at the aroma of the food she'd prepared. Simple spaghetti and meatballs.
"You know the way to my fucking heart. " He chuckled sitting down, raising an eyebrow at the gift bag. Wondering if she'd surprise him with some new lingerie or something. Smirking he sipped on the wine she'd fixed for him. But she didn't have any.
"So.. I have a surprise for you.. " She muttered softly almost timidly as she walked over. Sliding the bag to him as she stood there watching him anxiously.
"What the fuck is it? Is it some new lingerie? " He grinned reaching into the bag and taking out the two items wrapped in the tissue paper. Furrowing his brow as he shook it and the tests landed on the table. Blinking quickly as he picked them up, looking at the pink positive signs. It taking some moments for him to process it.
"Holy shit you're pregnant?! " he finally spoke, his voice rising some octaves as his eyes searched hers. Wondering if this was real, or some crazy dream he was having.
"Yes.. Yes. We're pregnant! " She was bursting with excitement as she bounced on the balls of her feet. He just grinned widely, standing up as he swept her up into his arms, spinning her around as he pressed kisses along her jawline and cheeks.
"We're having a fucking baby! " He jeered. Feeling on top of the world. Like nothing could bring him down. -----------------------------------------------------------
"Lucille had three fucking miscarriages through our fucking excuse for a marriage.. " He mumbled sipping on the waiting room coffee. Explaining to Rachel now why she'd lost the baby. Why he'd never be able to have children of his own.
"It's not your parts it's my fucking messed up parts. Fuck I should have been more fucking careful. " He huffed leaning his head back and closing his eyes. Waiting for her to say anything, all she'd done was cry softly as he spoke the last half hour.
"Doc said its my fucking sperm. They don't have the right genes or some shit. " He muttered shaking his head. Not really understanding the science of it. But all it came down to was he couldn't have a child.
"Hey.. " She finally spoke, reaching over to gently touch his hand. "You didn't know.. I didn't even know til yesterday. I took some tests yesterday... Don't blame you--.. "
"How can I not fucking blame myself when it is exactly my fucking fault?? " He unintentionally snapped at her. Making her eyes well up with more tears. Huffing in annoyance he shook his head. "...shit I'm sorry.. Don't.. Don't fucking cry... Doc said there wasn't anything to do for the baby.. He had to save you.." He swallowed hard looking at her with the most vulnerable expression he'd ever let her see.
"And I wouldn't have fucking wanted it any other way. I'm fucking sorry but there's only one of you. You can fucking have kids anytime you fucking want. " He braced himself for the shitstorm he'd probably get from her. Basically telling her that babies could he made anytime but he didn't want to lose her. Her expression broke his heart and there wasn't anything he could do about it.
"Just one of me huh? Well.. " She swallowed hard wiping at her eyes with another tissue then throwing it angrily at him. "Why didn't you tell me you couldn't have kids?!"
"We never fucking talked about it. I thought we were fucking taking things slow! Having a fucking kid isn't going fucking slow. " He grunted shifting his weight in the small chair.
"Yeah we were but that doesn't give me the right to have an abortion! That's just.. Is that what you're saying??" He didn't respond for a moment, glancing down as he rubbed his forehead before looking back at her.
"Yeah that would have been alot fucking easier on you. Take one goddamned pill and it's over. But now you fucking had to have surgery and shit.. " He glanced away now, jaw set tight as his own eyes began welling up with the emotions. "I'd rather have paid for that shit and bought some goddamned condoms than see you fucking suffering right now. I'm sorry. " He uttered once more before tossing the cup into the trash can. Taking a deep breath as he reached for her hands, giving them a squeeze as he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.
"You're gonna be just fucking fine. I'm not fucking going anywhere either. I've fucked up and I'm gonna fucking make sure you're alright. I fucking promise. " He uttered softly, seeing her ever so slowly relax at his words. Thankful when she flashed a faint smile at him in response.
"I know you will. I know." She uttered softly, her eyes seeming heavy from all the crying as well as the medications.
"Get some more fucking rest. I need to go fucking make some calls. " He pressed a kiss to her cheek, tasting the salty tears before standing up and walking quietly from the room. Slowly walking down the all too familiar hallways, going outside for some fresh air as he pulled his cellphone out.
Calling Arnold first then, using her phone calling Ashton. Knowing she'd probably need her best friend right now. After them he scrolled through her contacts, frowning as he saw the numbers for her mother and father. Shaking his head as he stuck the phones back on his pocket and went back inside. Unfortunately passing the nursery, seeing the newborn babies in their own bassinets. Stopping he looked at them, they all seemed so precious and innocent. A twinge of jealousy sparked seeing a man picking up a baby girl, wishing that would be him right now. But it'd never be. Not in this lifetime.
