The Taste Of Loneliness

Chapter 19

"Negan? " Lucille's soft voice shook him from his thoughts. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze as he looked at her now, ignoring the other patients sitting around the chemotherapy treatment room. Older people sat here and there with the occasional younger person who seemed just as broken as Lucille.

"Yeah? " He muttered softly glancing over her features. Knowing if she needed anything, he'd drop everything for her in a second. Her lips slowly curled into a small smile. Something he hadn't seen in a few days.

"We should get a dog. I think that'd be good for us. And help me especially." He knew it wasn't a question but a statement. He chuckled lowly nodding as he leaned in, pressing a kiss to her paled cheek.

"Whatever you want Luce. Whatever you want." He uttered softly in response.

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Negan grunted softly as he tried to make himself comfortable in the hospital bed. Waiting impatiently for the doctor to return with his discharge papers. Fingers drumming against the side rail to the bed. His body ached something fierce still but he didn't want his pain medication. He deserved pain. Especially remembering how much Lucille had been dependent on pain medicine to help her through just one day.
He glanced up seeing Rachel come inside followed by someone with a wheelchair. A frown immediately stretched on his lips as he shook his head.

"Uh no fucking way am I riding in that damned thing. No fucking way." He uttered gruffly as he stood up, gritting his teeth as he wrapped his arm around his ribs. Intaking a sharp breath as Rachel came over with a worried expression. He quickly waving her off.

"I can fucking walk just fucking fine. "

"Sir it's hospital procedure. " The ordely spoke slightly timidly. With a huff and roll of the eyes he sat down in it. Glancing down at the floor with a blank expression. Not saying a word as he was wheeled from the room to the elevator. Ignoring the fleeting images of times he rode the elevator while Lucille was in the hospital. He being able to breath a little better once they were outside. Nodding slowly at the orderly as he stood up from the wheelchair waving Rachel's hands off again as he began walking to her car parked at the curb.

"Dammit Rachel I'm fucking fine. I'm not some goddamned cripple now. It was a fucking accident and I'm fucking fine. So calm the fuck down. " He tried not to sound too harsh towards her as he got into the passenger seat. Seeing her walk around quickly and get into the drivers seat.

"Why can't I worry? Geez isn't that what girlfriends are supposed to do when their boyfriend was in a car accident? " She snapped back slightly as she drove off from the hospital. He just fell silent, clenching his jaw hearing her irritated tone. Turning his head to look out the window letting the silence fill the void. Flexing his fingers inside the soft cast as he reached to fiddle with the radio with his free hand. Glancing at her as he settled on a older rock station.

"The fucking cop told me I'll probably get some fucking compensation for this. Since it wasn't the fucking cab drivers fault and I was just a fucking innocent person. And won't have to fucking pay my bills either. That's damned good. " He muttered knowing he couldn't afford the hospital bill on his own. And he damn sure wouldn't let Rachel help him. She smiled lightly though, relaxing a little at his words.

"That's good. At least something good might come of it. I know you were probably worried about the bill. I was going to.. "

"/No/. Rachel fuck no. I don't need your help. I'm a grown ass man who can pay my own goddamned bills. I don't fucking need you or your dads help. " He snapped immediately at her, not liking how she seemed to give him so much charity. But he immediately regretted it, seeing her reaction. Her eyes downcast and fingers tightening around the steering wheel. He reached over with his good hand and gave her hand a squeeze.

"Fuck. I'm fucking sorry. You know my fucking temper gets the best of me. I just don't fucking like people fucking helping me like that. I had to do everything for my fucking self for my entire fucking life. I don't want help now. Okay? " He muttered knowing she'd probably just lash out again about relationships and how everyone needed help at some point. She turned to glance at him since they had stopped at a red-light. Her eyes soft and warm despite his harsh tone.

"Okay. Okay. I know. I know. I didn't want help at first when my brother died. All I wanted to do was keep going. I nearly worked myself to death. I didn't talk about it and it ate me up. I know it isn't the same but, I kinda get it. " She flashed a small smile leaning over and brushing her lips against his. He was shocked but returned the kiss. Too long as he heard the car behind them blaring the horn. Seeing her cheeks turning bright red as he chuckled.

"Fuck them. Let's make out at the next damned light. " He winked at her feeling better about himself and their relationship.

"Oh my God Negan. No. " She laughed shaking her head as she focused on the road, going back to her apartment. He just continued to chuckle at her shaking his head. Wondering how things would turn out after this.