stars and snowflakes | ✓

8 | fears and whispers

Dedicated to my royal friend,
Claudia - for giving me her rare hugs when I need them
{ DesTroYeR08 }

"Who the hell is Starbucks Guy?"

I walked out of my room to the living room to see my sister holding my ringing phone in her hand.

I pretended not to notice the hypocritical look on her face as I took the phone from her. Walking to the balcony, I answered the call.

"Hey, Stef."

"Snowflake! You finally decided to bless me with your voice after three calls," Stefan said, his voice light with humour.

I laughed. "Sorry. I was looking for my tuition notes. Freaking Electrochemistry is something my mind just cannot digest. Just like the human stomach can't digest cellulose."

Another melodic laughter. "Are you studying Chemistry or Biology?"

"Honesty I don't know most of the things I am even doing nowadays," I said, laughing painfully. "SPM has a worse effect on me than I thought."

It was true. I knew I would be afraid as the day of the dreaded public exam neared but I didn't know the fear would drive me crazy. I would lay awake in my bed for the two hours I was supposed to sleep, my mind trying to recall everything I had studied so far while my heart races at a hundred miles per hour whenever I think of sitting in the exam hall with the unanswered question paper that would be in front of me.

Even time flew faster than it usually does. A day would feel like a few hours, an hour like a couple of minutes and likewise. Fear overtook my life. It consumed me.

"Hey, Snowflake? Are you alright?" Stefan asked, his voice deep with concern.

"I'm fine. Kinda. Like I said, I'm just stressed out," I said. I took deep breaths and tried to take my mind off the upcoming exams. The ten minutes I talk to Stefan on the phone is usually the only time in a day when I am not overwhelmed by my anxiety.

"Don't get too stressed out, Snowflake. You will do just fine. In fact, I'm sure you are gonna ace all your exams. In about four months when your results come out, I will hear your excited voice telling me how you've got 9As in the most life-defining exam you have ever sat for," Stefan said.

"It's not that easy, Stef. You studied in an international school. So you didn't have to sit for this goddamned exam," I said, pushing back a few black curls of my hair that escaped from my messy bun.

"I recall me offering you to join me in my school. I also recall you denying my offer," he said in a chiding tone.

"Because my mother can't afford to send me to an international school. If she does use her savings to do so, I wouldn't be going to college and my sisters wouldn't even be able to go to secondary school. Although it's a government school, we still have yearly fees."

"I know. But as I said before, my mum could pull some strings to help you out," he reminded me.

I feel like we have this conversation everyday. "And are you finally gonna tell me why would she do that?"

There it was again. That silence.

"Nevermind," I sighed. "Your mum is just generous enough to sponsor a stranger."

"Akansha..." he started. Uh-oh. He only uses my real name when he's talking about something really serious.

"She knows what you mean to me," he said. It was the faintest of whispers. I had to strain my hearing to catch what he was saying.

My heart stopped when my mind finished processing what he just said. I know I probably exceeded the ten-minute limit I gave myself but I willed myself to ask him another question, the one I have been thinking about since the time he asked me whether it would be alright if he called me everyday.

"And what do I mean to you?" I whispered back.

Just then, my phone was snatched away from my hand. I looked to my left where my current least favourite person was standing.

"Samyuktha. Give my phone back," I said to my three-years younger sister.

Sam just shook her head. "I will after you answer my question; who is Starbucks Guy? And why is he calling you?"

Damn it. Screw little sisters and their annoying prying habits.

"He's just a guy who works in Starbucks. And why did you wait so long to ask me that again?"

Her eyes narrowed until they were two slits on her face. "I was eavesdropping, hoping I could figure it out myself. Why are you on first-name basis with 'just a Starbucks Guy'? Who is this Stefan to you?"

If only I knew that answer myself.

"He's...no one. Now scram," I said, pushing her into the living room. Ignoring her glare, I shut the sliding doors separating the balcony from the inside of the house.

Stefan said, "I have to say. I am quite hurt. We have known each other for almost a year now yet my number is still saved as Starbucks Guy?"

"You are the last person on Earth to give me advice on what to save your friend's name as. I bet mine is saved as Snowflake," I smiled when I mentioned the nickname he gave me last year.

He laughed.

I heard some knock on the glass of the sliding door. "Stefan. I got to go. Electrochemistry is beckoning to me and it's using my lack of understanding on the topic of voltaic cells as a bait."

He sighed. "Alright then."

But then neither of us hung up.

Finally I said, "Stefan."

"Akansha. You know you have to cut the call."

"Why don't you? I'm always the one to hang up," I whined then mentally chided myself. Whining is annoying. I knew that but kept doing it anyway.

"Because a true gentleman doesn't hang up on a lady," he simply replied.

"Goodbye, Stefan," I sighed and put down the phone.

I love you, I added mentally, out of habit. Those words spring up to my mind automatically after I end every phone call. But I didn't dare say it out loud. I barely knew this guy. I had only seen him a couple of times on the same day. Sure, I talk to him everyday but it's not enough to fall in love with him. At least, that's what others think. Besides, I don't know what Stefan would think about it. I rather forget about my feelings than lose a good friend.

Little did I know, the three words I think of after every phone call are the very words he whispers into the phone after I hang up.