How to Mummify a Chicken

What the Chicken Dragged In

The stench of death hovers around the room. Chickens, their bodies in the various stages of mummification as small groups of kids with serious faces change infected gloves and pour powdery substances on the carcasses. The unsuspecting chickens will soon be buried in the ground by the woods where cannibals live. How did this happen though?

To mummify a chicken you will need a number of materials. Start with a chicken and bleach. To reduce germ spread you must lay down newspaper and acquire gloves. Baking soda and salt are needed to mummify a chicken. Spices such as cinnamon make the chicken smell better. You must have paper towels, linen wrap, medical tape, and a shoe box to complement your myriad of materials.

First, when mummifying a chicken, you must bleach and dry the chicken. Be sure to get all the blood off, take the guts out, and dry thoroughly. You can dry the chicken by patting it with paper towels. Next rub salt and baking soda all over the chicken to assist the dying process. Baking soda is similar to the substance that the Egyptians used. Place your chicken in a large zip lock bag and shake it. The Egyptians did not do this. To make your chicken smell better, you must pour various spices and oil on the body. Rub the chicken to seal both the smell and his fate. You must now wrap your chicken in linen wrap and medical tape like Egyptians did when they preserved bodies. Be sure to tuck the wings in and wrap tightly. Put the chicken in a bag and put the bag in a shoe box. Dig a deep hole deep enough to hide your sins and stick your box in. 

When mummifying a chicken it is perfectly natural to be both grossed out and enthralled. The thrill of touching the chicken, the feeling of being so close to death yet so far away, it's one you will never experience again (unless you mummify another chicken). The smells will cling to the inside of your nose, clashing, like sour and sweet. Oil will cool your gloves and coat them with spices, baking soda, and salt. Mummifying chickens is a true sensation.

You wipe the sweat off your forehead and clap the dirt from your hands. Picking up the shovel you turn to see others finishing up the process of burying the chicken. A pile of dirt marks each tomb and, wondering what future anthropologists will think of our existence, you head back inside. The deed has been done.

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