Valid Weaknesses ||Completed|| #Wattys2017

Chapter 9

 Valerie

"Dear A,

It's been three years. A lot has happened and I feel like you're kinda missing out on this. And I feel this slight guilt in that, I'm here and you're not. When writing the last letter to you, I felt a lot more was off my mind and that I was kinda speaking to you through the letter.

Is this destiny? That I'm here, alive. But you're not here and you will still be the little girl who never grew up. I don't understand how people can believe in a God. I don't know how they can believe that you were God's plan to be taken away.

You never had the chance to experience love, the rush of it. You will never get the chance to have a kid and see it grow up. You never got to experience the full pack of life.

I would be lying if I said that I'm crying in floods of tears right now. I'm not and I would feel bad if I was. What's the point in crying? It's not going to do anything.

Danny still hasn't mentioned you and it's been three years. It scares me that he hasn't spoken about it once. I think he still feels sadness in his heart that you're gone; you really were special to him.

I know you didn't want to die. You were full of life and brought with you a freshness that no one else can.

You would have been in junior year like me. You would be doing so well in school right now. Probably in the high sets for everything, you were so intelligent. Maybe one of the boys in the class would have a crush on you. But you would turn them down because you think it's stupid to have a relationship at the age of 17.

That makes me laugh.

You would look older and that's crazy to even imagine that. I can't imagine it. You would still have your short dark hair or maybe you would have it long because you never had the chance to have it long.

Actually I can imagine it.

You would have short hair straight but with the same cheeky smile. You would have a 'tomboyish' backpack as you weren't into the girly things and maybe wear a skirt? I don't know.

But thank you for just showing me that life is a gift and should be used until we are so tired of the game when we are old and grey.

Hideaway Girl xxx"

Posting the blog, I recline in my seat, feeling as heavy as ever. I had thought that putting my feelings into words would somehow alleviate the guilt but I was wrong. Instead, I feel worse and sadly, more depressed than I was earlier.

Yes, I posted an entry saying that she showed me that life is a gift that should be used until we are so tired of the game when we are old and gray but in truth, that only makes me feel more like a hypocrite.

I mean, here I am, writing some motivational crap when my actual life, how I feel on the inside, is completely opposite to all of that.

A knock on my door pulls me out of my thoughts and I quickly put my laptop away before yelling for them to come in.

Jess makes her dramatic entrance, launching herself at me while going on and one about how she couldn't wait to see me. It's all a bit unnecessary if you ask me.

"Hold up, hold up." I call, forcing myself to smile as I crawl away from her embrace. "I've missed you too." I say. It's so convincing that she actually can't tell that I just might be lying right through my teeth.

"Where were you?" she asks, feigning annoyance.

"With Raiden." At the mention of his name, I can't stop the smile that creeps onto my face.

"Oh. She replies, looking a bit ticked off. "What happened?"

"Well..." I begin. "He took me to the park and we had a picnic and just hang out." I say, smiling a tad bit too dreamily. "It was just so awesome!"

"So did he ask you out to the dance?" she asks, eyes widening.

"No." I say, smile faltering a bit. "But it's not his fault you know. He's got this family thing he can't skip out on."

Jessi scoffs and gets into a comfortable position, resting her head on a pillow.

"That jerk.' She says.

"Jessi!" I sigh, pushing her ever so slightly. "Would a jerk take me out on a picnic? Besides, there will be other school dances."

"Are you saying you're planning on skipping out on this one?"

Lowering my gaze, I nod sheepishly.

"You don't need that jackass in order to go to the dance." She says.

"I'm not going!"

"Yes you are." She says with an air of finality. "You didn't go last year so you're going with Elliot and I and we are going to have fun no matter what."

I flinch at her words.

Last year, that's when we'd all stopped being friends; the popular kids and I.

"I have nothing to wear." I deadpan, pulling myself out of my thoughts.

"Don't give me that." She retorts, narrowing her eyes at me. "I've seen that dress you've never worn out before, the red one with the halter neck. You can wear that."

"Fine." I mutter, lying down as well. There's no use arguing with Jess once she's made up her mind.

"People are going to think it's a bit weird though." I say. "Us three, going together."

"Who cares what they think?" she smirks, waving her hand dismissively.

We lie in silence for a while and my mind begins to wander again.

I care what they think, I whisper internally to myself.

"I'm in the mood for ice cream." She says suddenly. "Let's go get some."

Mentally sighing in relief, I nod my agreement before getting up off the bed. Together we head downstairs and then we go get some ice cream.

~

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so.....how was it?

Who do you think 'A' is to Valerie and Danny?

Why do you think she feels so guilty and sad? any thoughts on Jessi?

did you like the update?

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xoxo Stay Awesome!