ineffable [joshler ; au]

one

the glass door slid closed slowly behind the boy. he was still slightly intoxicated, but sober enough to know which floorboards creaked the loudest as he stumbled through the house. he pushed open his bedroom door as silently as he could, hopefully not loud enough to wake his sister in the next room. he'd done that too many times and he knew she wasn't going to cover his tracks for any longer.

of course, what he did not account for, was the fact that his mother was sitting on his bed

"josh?"

he groaned inwardly, halting his steps and leaning against the door frame. 

"mom." he sighed, deciding another excuse would be one too many. laura just tilted her head, as if she was challenging him to lie to her. josh could tell she was seething, her face kept a cool exterior but he knew underneath there was something not quite right. something abnormal. this had happened  before, countless times. each and every time laura gave her son a lecture on the rules and threatened to send him to ohio, but she never did, so he didn't worry. but this time was different, little to no words were exchanged. and this panicked josh.

"we'll talk in the morning" she finally spoke, standing up and briskly walking past josh and to her own room, not even giving him a second glance.

***

"where were you?"

"a friend's house" josh replied curtly, eyes wandering over to the wall behind laura's head, where his father stood rigidly.

"which friend?" laura persisted,

josh hesitated before answering, "brendon"

laura's eyes narrowed, "i thought i told you to stay away from that boy. i don't want you to become like him!" josh laughed bitterly,

"he's gay, he hasn't got a disease" 

but laura just grimaced, as if they were the same thing. josh was disgusted with his mother to say the least. how could she talk so bad about someone like this? it was no secret that laura thought homosexuality was a sin. she banned josh from seeing him when josh once wore a pink shirt. "brendon's making you like this, josh. you can't be around him anymore and you're going to throw that shirt away, i wont house a gay." and josh wanted to throw up by the way she was talking.

"and you got drunk josh! how could you do that? go against my wishes and sneak out to drink with a sinner?"  laura's yells brought josh out of his thoughts, but only made him more disgusted with the woman in front of him.

he calculated his next words carefully, but before he could speak he caught a glance of ashley in the doorway. he studied her carefully, her hair was messy like she just woke up and she looked pained at the words coming out of her mothers mouth. she must've heard the shouts. 

josh sighed and clenched his fists at his sides before speaking slowly in a low voice, "i don't want to talk about this anymore" but this just seemed to anger his mother even more

"well, you're going to have to! don't think you're getting out of this one, mister!" laura raised her voice even more before bill, josh's father, placed a hand on her shoulder to calm her down. 

"josh, go upstairs. now." bill spoke in a low voice. josh glanced around again, ashley looked frightened and like she was about to cry. she was holding a six year old abigail to her chest, who must've heard the shouting as well.

josh snarled before promptly walking out the room, brushing past ashley and going up the the stairs. ashley hurried behind hastily, still holding abigail and following him to his room.

"josh, stop." ashley demanded worriedly from behind josh.

he turned around slowly, "what?" he snapped at her, too angry to quieten his voice as to not scare abigail.

ashley again looked like she was about to cry, "are they going to send you to ohio?"  she asked warily, sitting on the edge of josh's bed and letting abbie latch onto josh's shirt.

josh visibly softened as he saw how scared abbie was, pulling her into his lap and hugging her to his chest. he shook his head slowly "i don't think so," he replied unconvincingly, soothing abbie's hair as she snuggled into his neck, clearly relaxing under his touch.

ashley didn't seem relaxed by his answer though, she just sighed and pulled her arms around her torso, as if to comfort herself. "i don't like the way mom speaks about brendon." she spoke slowly closing her eyes and leaning back until she was lying flat on the bed.

"yeah, me neither." josh sighed again, leaning back as well and lying next to ashley, leaving abigail to lie across him.

"please don't let them send you away," ashley whispered, her voice cracking making joshs heart stop and he pulled her in close to try and comfort her.

"i won't, i promise" he whispered back, kissing the top of her head before looking up at the ceiling. 

he really wished he could keep that promise.