White Walls [DIVERGENT]

13. Emotions

i love this song so damn much guys, and i thought that it described this chapter so much. so far this is the chapter i think both pri and i are the proudest of, bc i think it's just so beautiful.

ps. this song is hands down one of my favourites rn

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"Waking up to kiss you and nobody's there. The smell of your perfume still stuck in the air, it's hard. Yesterday I thought I saw your shadow running around. It's funny how things never change in this old town."

Tris:

Looking over my shoulder, I watch as Tobias walks back into the kitchen about to recite our order. I knew, the very second that my parents said we were heading out to Manadlo's that the chances of seeing him were super high. But even though I had prayed that we wouldn't see each other, he ends up being our damn waiter.

It's taken months and months, but I've finally realized that I do love him. I don't care if we only have a little while together before we go our separate ways. As long as I have the satisfaction of knowing that we at least tried at a relationship, I'll be happy. Tobias has to feel the same way, right?

The thought of forcing him to be in a relationship with me is the exact opposite of what I want. I want him to choose me. To decided that I'm more important to him than any other girl who walks down the hallway.

Even if it's selfish, I don't want to seem him with anyone else besides me. If I go to class and see some random brunette kissing my. . . crush, for lack of better term, I already know how I would react. It would not be pretty.

Movies make it seem like the first kiss is the big deal, which it is, but then they leave out the part of the second kiss--if there is a second kiss. Nobody mentions how much pressure is on them to make the next move.

"Beatrice, honey, are you okay?" Dad's sharp voice snaps my out of my thoughts, "you look pretty pale."

Laughing softly, mom holds my hand underneath the table and replies, "Andrew, this girl is so pale it's like she's transparent."

"Don't be rude, mom," Caleb responds with sarcasm dripping from his voice. I can't help but kick his chin.

There's so much energy circulating around the restaurant due to the livelihood that everybody in here is bringing that I feel out of place. What's wrong with me? Everyone else seems as if they are bursting at the seams with happiness and here I am, stuck on Earth with my head shoved up my own ass. It's like I've been living in a melancholic bubble of life.

The only time that I feel remotely different is when I'm with him.

I need to find a way to talk to him.

"M-Mom, I'm going to the bathroom, okay? It's really crowded in here so it'll probably take a while to get a stall."

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Once my back hits the brick of the restaurant, I sink to the pavement and watch from afar as people flood the entrance. My phone rattles in my hand, and although I wish that it's because Tobias is calling me, it's really from my fingers shaking. This is so hard to do alone, without having anyone by my side to help me right now.