The words I meant to say

02- The forgotten one

Ribbit. Axel stared at the frog in the cafteria, expecting it to counsel him. What had he done, did he give Casper hope once more? He held his heads in his large hands, thinking of his next move. Something he should’ve done early. He didn’t want to give Casper the wrong idea, but he just seemed so innocent, so...vulnerable. He’d never seen him like that, or at least in the past two years. Casper had used the same trick on him before, and he fell for it again. Axel groaned in irritation as he thrusted his hands onto the table. The frog croaked once more, and begun to hop away. He slumped head onto the table, resting it on his arm. He tried to smile but he could only manage an indifferent laugh. 

Then she came. Her bright brown eyes lighting up his world once more. His feelings for her always confused him, he wondered if he truly loved her. Her dark hair was tied up into a ponytail, her lips curved into a smile. She sat opposite of him as she stared at him. She was clearly suppressing her laughter. “What’s wrong with you this time. Not enough sleep?” Louise gave Axel the brightest smile she could manage, which wasn’t very impressive. Axel sighed. 

“You could say that.” Axel replied, as quickly as he could. Talking to her was a difficult matter, he was treading on thin ice. Though she was the center of his little love life, she always made him slightly agitated. How her life was so perfect, her grades, her athletics, everything. He wished that he had her everything. Axel stared at her pale skin, which seemed almost translucent in the light. She gave him a bored look and copied his actions. Slumping her head on the table, resting it on her arm. 

“You’re always tired.” Louise gave him a gentle nudge as she teased. Here was the next problem. She was oddly friendly, maybe flirtatious. She would always make him seem as if she cared about him. But she didn’t, and she wouldn’t. To her, he was probably a liability. Louise continued to smile, her head now tilted towards the ceiling. She stared at the lights and the swirling fans, imagining them as ballerinas. 

 

“Please don’t do that.” 

“Do what?” Louise replied rather teasingly once more. She continued nudging him, chuckling as she did. Axel felt his face turn red, either from anger or embarrassment. This very girl could control him with the wave of her finger, her middle finger at the least. He had knew this girl for two years, and she would make sure he never got the chance to confess to her. He wondered if she knew, if that her timings were always so perfect because she knew. 

Axel shoved Louise away. Shutting his eyes from the world and walking away. Louise stood up as well, clearly mad at Axel. “What’s your problem. You always get angry.” Louise had a frown on her face now, her arms crossed. She glared at Axel till he turned around. Her stare clearly worked, Axel stopped moving. He wondered if he should turn to acknowledge her, or if he should just walk away. 

 

Who was he kidding, he could never walk away from her. He tried, but he never managed to. 

He turned around to face the clearly angry Louise. She shook her head in dismay as she went to walk away. Now the tables had turned, but Axel had no control over her. 

“Oh, so you ask me to turn and now you walk away.” Axel spat the words out, clearly furious. He had had enough of this charade. 

“What do you mean. I didn’t ask you turn. You’re not my personal ballerina.” Louise returned with an insult of her own. Now they were both irritated. 

“Yeah, we all know what you really mean.” 

“What do I mean. Stop making your own assumptions.” 

“Stop changing the topic! You always do this.” 

“No I don’t. You’re making your own assumptions.” Louise screamed at Axel, rather loudly. Her voice echoed in the cafeteria, her chocolate eyes were now filled with rage. Axel was unsure, he contemplated just walking away. But that would never make Louise happy. Louise wanted a fight. 

“Maybe I’m not. This is the exact reason why no one likes you.” Axel rebutted, and it took Louise by surprise. Her eyes widened in shock as her fierce stance was broken. “Yeah, think about it.” Axel rolled his eyes once more as he continued, he decided not to press the issue anymore. He turned to walk away before Louise stopped him. 

 

“Not even you?” 

Her voice was timid, her eyes shifted away. Axel stopped in his tracks, his body frozen in a nervous horror. Did he like Louise, even the slightest bit? Maybe it was more than that, but it still hurt him to know that she knew. But she was so intolerable, which made him want her even more. His emotions were contradicting themselves, he didn’t know what to do. 

 

“What’s the point. Not like you’d care anyway.” 

All he could think about was how wrong that move was. He shouldn’t have said that, that gave away his entire argument. His body trembled, only slightly. His back still faced Louise, he refused to turn. It was the only mode of defense he had. 

“You haven’t answered my question. You never liked me?” 

There was a long silence. Louise’s question struck him like a lightning bolt. His body went numb, he couldn’t think of a thing. 

“No, I-” “LOOK AT ME AND TELL THAT TO MY FACE.” 

Axel was interrupted, Louise was enraged. Though there was some hurt in her voice. Axel turned around rather swiftly, and he was completely taken aback. Louise was sobbing, the glimmering tears falling to the floor. Her face was tilted downwards, her eyes wouldn’t meet Axel’s.

He was generally worried for her. He could feel his heart trying to reach out to her and comfort her. But it wouldn’t, it didn’t dare. He opened his mouth to speak, but Louise looked back up at him. 

Her eyes were red and her cheeks were shining from the tears. Axel felt his heart cringe several times and his body ache like a thousand swords were puncturing it. He laughed and mumbled, 

“I might have. But you wouldn’t care anyway.” 

He ran past Louise, far away from the cafeteria, away from all the hurt. 

 

Louise fell to her knees, her eyes no longer watery. Her heart felt broken, upon the cruel realization that the one she may have loved, didn’t love her anymore. She wanted to ram her head against the wall a million times, she wanted to go back in time and fix the mess. But she couldn’t. She never viewed him as a lover, only as a friend. Her true feelings were only revealed to her today. This was life’s cruel joke on her, this was how they would torture her. 

Would she survive the torment?