All Smiles

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~Ali~

Melissa was silent for a few seconds. She looked surprised that I would even allow her to voice out her problems. I don't blame her, really; I'm nothing more than a bitch I've accepted that ever since I was a young teenager. The one thing I never knew or wanted to be was someone who did not make it evident 24/7 that I loved and appreciated my friends.

"There is nothing to talk about." She finally let out. I raised my eyebrows and retorted back with a simple statement.

"Fine. I won't push you to talk to me, but I want you to know that I'm here for you when you are and that I am sorry for the way I've made you feel," I was on the verge of crying. There was so much more for me to say, but I knew I needed to wait until she was ready so she could really hear it. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a little walk. I think it's best if we all get some fresh air away from one another."

With that I was off. I walked past the food trucks and the crazy crowd to the other end of the fence. There was another gaping hole, of course. I casually walked through the hole, stooping down just a little to avoid another painful bang to the head.

What was beyond the interior was a beautiful lake that had a lone tree on the bay. I smiled to myself and slowly walked over there, humming and dancing along the way. I sat down happily and looked out to the moon and the water while shoveling one heaping spoonful of food in my mouth at a time.

I couldn't help but think of how much I really have fucked up my life. I've been pushing away my best friend this past year all because I don't have the balls to break up with my mess of a boyfriend.

But that's what people like me do. We fall in love with souls similar to ours; souls that aren't whole. We love the challenge of putting someone back together. We really only do it for the thrill of rush, until we find ourselves falling. Sometimes the fall is harder--like this--and it becomes to hard to break away. We just want to be there to keep them together, even if we've put them all back together perfectly.

I still wasn't at that phase. I was no where near done with putting Ethan back together again; in fact, everyday I stay here, I'm just throwing away all the hard work I've done. I know I need to leave him but I've fallen too hard. I've started putting him before me and even worse, Melissa. I thought this break would help, but all it's done is make my life even more of a shit show.

I'm not even controlling my life anymore. The captain of this ship is gone and has been replaced with this unexplainable thing. It won't let go of me until I find peace.

Of course, it all leads back to the same thing. How can I go ahead and leave everything behind that I've worked so hard on? It's just this idea full of dead ends that I can't even figure out.

I realized I was out of food so I took that as a sign to start walking back. My phone rang while I was getting up.

It was Ethan.

"Hey honey how are you?"

"I'm doing a lot better now. How about you?"

"Ugh. Don't even get me started. I just got into a fight with Benjamin and I just wish I was home with you in bed."

"Well turn around, there might be a big surprise for you." I could hear his voice behind me.

I smiled widely and hung up the phone, sprinting into his arms like a dumbass.

"I missed you so much." That was the only thing we said to each other for a minute. He was just holding me and it felt so right even though it was all wrong.

He let me down carefully and held my hand. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I gave him the run-down of the entire vacation so far. He gently rubbed my hand through it all and genuinely listened. It was the times where he was like this that I felt like all of my hard work was actually paying off; like everything was meant to be.

If only it could last forever.

THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR 70 VIEWS!!!! It's a small amount, but we can only go up. Thought I'd give you guys a late Christmas update (like all the late Christmas gifts I've been buying). This new year I'm going to try updating more. Sorry it's so short, just a filler but there will be more to come :)))

Ali