My Demons

Elastic Bands

***POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING*** 
ALTHOUGH THIS CHAPTER DOESN'T DIRECTLY STATE IT, IT DEALS WITH THOUGHTS OF SELF HARM, AND MINOR ACTIONS OF SELF HARM
NOTHING IN DETAIL
NOTHING EXTREME
I'LL MARK BEFORE AND AFTER THE POSSIBLE TRIGGERS
READ WITH CAUTION IF THIS KIND OF THING TRIGGERS YOU
STAY SAFE GUYS 💜

"This whole things really taking a toll on you, isn't it?" Josh asked, pulling into the driveway.

I nodded, sighing. "Yeah.."

We got out of the truck and walked inside.

"Where's Jordan?" I asked, sitting on the couch.

"He said he was gonna visit mom and dad." Josh shrugged, sitting beside me.

I nodded, looking down at my hands.

"Hey, um... I have kind of a weird question..." I took a quick glance to Josh before returning my gaze to my hands.

"Shoot." He said, moving a little so he was facing me.

I stayed silent for a minute, thinking about how to phrase this without sounding crazy.

"Ty?"

"Yeah, um.. Do you knows if there's any elastics here?"

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Like, a hair elastic?"

"Josh, my hair isn't long enough for that. I meant a rubber band. Like you would wrap around a poster?"

"Oh, um.. I can check. Why?"

"No reason." I lied.

I could tell Josh knew I was lying, but he went to look for one anyways.

"How big of an elastic?" Josh called.

"Uh.. Big enough to hang off my wrist a little." I called back.

I was kinda nervous about this whole thing. I haven't done anything like this in almost 7 years...

'What if this escalates into something more?' I thought. 'What if this doesn't last and I resort back to...' 

I couldn't even finish the thought. I refuse to let my mind wander to something that dark.

A few seconds later, Josh came back into the room holding a few different elastics. He sat beside me and held out his hand, showing them.  

"There were a few more, but they snapped when I tried taking them out of the bag. These are the biggest ones I could find." He spoke quietly and cautiously, like he was afraid a single word would set me off. 

I nodded, taking the elastics. 

"Um.. Ty, why did you want the elastics?" 

I shrugged, slipping one around my wrist. 

He sighed quietly.  "You can tell me, you know."

"I know." I mumbled. 

"Then why won't you tell me? I'm not trying to sound rude or anything, Tyler, but you've become so distant. It's been two days. And it's not like she's gonna file a divorce. She misses you so much. I'm not supposed to even be telling you this, but she's just as devastated as you are."

I looked up at him with hopeful eyes. "Really?"

He nodded. "I'm serious. She'd take you back in a heartbeat, Tyler, trust me."

I looked back down to my hands and started fidgeting with the elastic, snapping it a few times. 

I could feel Josh's eyes on me. "How-" I cut myself off, thinking of how to word this. "Do I have to tell you?" I asked quietly. 

"No, of course not. It would just be nice if you would tell me so I could maybe help you." 

***TW READ WITH CAUTION*** I'LL MARK WHEN THIS IS OVER

I took in a sharp breath. "The elastic is to keep me from..." I trailed off, not wanting to tell Josh.

"Tyler, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"I know, but I feel like I should."

"You don't seem like you really want to. Just cause you feel like you should, doesn't mean you have to."

"I know that, Josh, but you're my best friend. You should know these things."

He sighed a little. "Okay."

"Um.. Do you remember, like, seven or eight years ago when I would wear an elastic everywhere?"

He nodded slightly.

"Do you remember why I wore it?"

"I don't think you ever told me. Or anyone for that matter."

I took in a deep breath. "I... I would... The elastic would.. God, this is so hard."

"Tyler,"

"No, Josh, I'm gonna tell you. Its just... Its just a lot harder than I thought it'd be."

He nodded.

"The elastics are the only thing that.. That keep me f-from s... Self harming." I said quietly.

***TW OVER***

I was surprised Josh even heard me. He looked at me, a concerned look spreading slowly across his face.

"I know it sounds crazy, but it helps. It really does."

"I believe you, Tyler. And I'm glad you told me and have found a way to cope. If it gets worse, tell me, okay?"

I nodded. "I will."

He flashed a small smile at me, which I returned. 

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Not telling me its a stupid way of coping. Everyone else I've told in the past said it was stupid and that it wouldn't work."

He smiled again. "Its not a stupid way of coping. If it works, it works."

I smiled again in return.

Before I could say anything else, my phone started ringing. I took it out of my pocket and checked the caller ID.

My breath hitched a little and I looked over to Josh.

"Who is it?"

"Jenna."