IM HAPPY ALL THE TIME; phan

Slur Meeting

(play ^)
I'm woken up by the sound of something rattling besides me. It's body hitting against the wood.
I grab it, and press 'snooze' onto the screen.

Then once again, there is silence.
But not in my head, because in my head there is a happy tune playing, and it's been on repeat ever since last night.
I rub my eyes and yawn. This is a day that should be cherished.
I walk into the bathroom, and stare into the mirror once again.
I see my brown irises dilated, and my hair is starting to curl up at the ends.
I quickly fix it, and start to wonder again, about those blue eyes I had seen last night.

They belong to no girl I've ever met. I'm not even sure they belong to a girl. But they look almost feminine. And kinda cute.

I keep closing my eyes, sealing them shut, hoping to see those beautiful blues again.
But they don't come back.
I groan, losing something that made me truly happy for once.

I then realize I'm not as happy as yesterday. I open my cabinet, and take the pills labeled 'AM' and take two.
These don't burn as much as the ones I took last night.
But there is an aftertaste. Sort of pineapple-ish.
I hate pineapple.

I drink water before I go out.
The pills I took will keep me semi-happy once I go out. But they'll probably start fading in an hour or so.
I open my car door and hop in.
It smells fresh, and not at all like cigarettes.
Mainly because I don't smoke.

I don't think I'll ever be that stupid to smoke.
The scene outside is all in the same. Except for one thing: the sky is more bluer than ever.

My eyes dart back on the road, as I know I should be more careful. But I occasionally glance back up, just to get that touch of color again.

I look in my sideview mirror and see that my cheeks are flushed and pink. I push my hair back and roll down a window.
The air is sort of breezy, but the sun is out and it doesn't feel as bad.

I drive to the shopping center in my area and walk in, careful not to bump into anyone.
Everyone looks taller than me, but maybe it's just the pills trying to trick me.

I go store to store, looking for anything black enough.
I may be crazy, but I want to look good.
-

I've looked through all the clothing stores, and I begin to sigh and close my eyes. I lean against the wall.
I'm totally surprised to see the blue irises back in my vision.

But this time they're not in my head.
A guy walks buy. Has to be at least 6"2, raven black hair that almost looks dark blue, a button up shirt that is buttoned all the way up to his neck, black skinny jeans, and 3 bags on his hand that are labeled 'TOPMAN'...
And with the blue eyes that I had seen last night.
I'm not sure if it's déjà vu, but I swear he possesses the eyes.

I'm quick to act, already having a plan.
I take a £50 bill out of my pocket and tap his shoulder.
"Excuse me?" I say, and he turns right around and looks at me. "Yeah?" He says.
His voice is soothing, and soft, and his eyes..
They're blue oceans, and I can't help but look.

"Did you d-drop this?" I ask him, and he raises an eyebrow. "No, I don't think so." He chuckles.

Ugh I love that too.
But why do I love it? I don't necessarily like this guy do I?

He goes to turn around, but I can't let him leave.
"S-so... what's your name?" I say.
"I'm Phil. Nice to meet you?" He says, and I know he's getting uncomfortable.

"If you want to have a further discussion, can you please help me with my bags?" He chuckles.
I nod and grab a bag of his and follow him through the parking lot all the way to his car.

I help him put the bags in, and he thanks me.
"I'm Dan, by the way." I say, and he nods.
"Cute." He mumbles.
He thinks I didn't hear him and he waves bye to me as he drives off.

I get a hole in the pit of my stomach, as I have lost him.

My heart aches for him, and I don't even like guys.
There's something about him though..

-

I get a text from my friend, and he's asking me if I want to come to a party.
"No blunts, just drinks and people, Dan! C'mon mate it'll be sick!" Derek says and he sounds excited.

"Who's gonna be there?" I ask, finding any reason to get out of going.
"Tons of people. Hey, maybe you'll meet someone." He teases and I scoff.

"No one can love me, I'm me! I doubt it. But alright, I'll come." I sigh.

"Okay mate," he begins, and I hang up.

There's no point in staying home, and I'll be on my pills anyway so I won't realize anything's going on.