IM HAPPY ALL THE TIME; phan

Depth, Not Debt.

(^^^^)

It's a sort of quiet thing in my head, where every time I open my mouth, the words I want to say mix around with other sounds and justifications and turn into the total opposite of what I was intending; and since everyone takes me so seriously, I can't take anything back.

This is exactly what this day was like; a wrong turn.

-

I feel something shift next to me, the weight suddenly lifting and leaving. I try my hardest to control what light I'm seeing and which I want to leave out. I glance towards Phil, who's in the process of buttoning up one of his shirts.

"Good morning, Lazy." He mumbles, finishing fumbling with his top button.

I sit up, and straighten out my hair while glaring into the mirror in the distance.

He notices the concentrated look on my face and launches a nearby throw pillow at my face.

"You shit!" I yell, and he laughs as he closes the door to the bathroom. "Get dressed, we're going out in approximately 12 minutes!" His voice is almost blocked out my the wooden door dividing us. "-Wear something pretty." He adds. I swear I can almost hear him smiling, as if it's some kind of funny joke or something.

While he's in the bathroom, brushing his teeth I presume, I use the time to get dressed in something a little bit more 'bright' than what I'm used to.

I slip into a plain pastel pink jumper, with the word 'baby' carefully embroidered in an italic, tiny, white font on the chest. I add black ripped skinny jeans so I don't lose myself too much. Black vans, and a quick fix in the mirror and I'm done.

Phil steps out a minute later, fully clothed and almost ready to bounce out the door.

What he's wearing is extremely flattering; It's a black jumper, with a giant grid format covering every corner of it. Amazingly aesthetic, matched with black shoes and jeans.

I stop staring, and he pulls me out of the hotel room. We're walking rather calmly down the hall and down the stairs. We look like polar opposites, walking out into the city. 

We get stares and glances and looks from almost everyone that dares to walk past us. I'm the one ducking under his shadow, but Phil looks at everyone in the eye with confidence and order. He has his hands in his pockets, and his posture is inexplicably outstanding; while mine could use some work.

"So will the others be meeting us somewhere?" I choke up, getting anxious about everyone's eyes on me. 

He nonchalantly speaks, "No, just us today, Bear."

Bear? 

Where ever did that come from? Did that actually come out of his mouth? Was that directed for me?

"Bear..?" I say, making sure to show the edge and confusion in my voice. "What?" He asks.

"You just said that. Bear." I say. I almost trip trying to make him notice me.

"I have absolutely no mind of what you're talking about." He scoffs. And that's it.

It was the end of any possible conversation for that moment. There was no way to lighten the mood; well at least nothing I was capable of. Maybe I could have done something or said something, but even if I did, it would either make no possible sense, or come out as something completely different. I, and everything about me shows definitions and examples of utter incompetence.