FIXING YOU

T W E N T Y THREE / 2

• Noah's POV •

When someone says they love you, your heart's supposed to race and your stomach should erupt with flutters, right? But what does it mean- that you love them too?

Do I love him? I wouldn't feel the need to question myself if I did, right? Why is love so damn complicating?

Am I just thinking too much?

Kissin' Justin is something I can't yet describe. His touch makes my heart lighter. My lips are tender and nearly sore when the kiss is over, I leaned against him and laid my head on his chest. As I stood there being held in his arms, I couldn't help realizing how much it'll hurt to let go and I know it'll happen because nobody ever stays, regardless of how much they love me and even if I love them.

"What're you thinking about?" His hushed raspy voice breaks the silence, bringing me back to the present where I am not yet alone and that was enough to put a smile on my face.

I honestly didn't know how to answer his question. There are so many different things on my mind that I don't know where to begin, so I changed the subject instead. "I should call Bonnie and thank her for the dress," I looked up at him as his head nodded then he kissed me softly on the forehead and walked over to his bag without another word. I relocated my phone, he handed me a charger- makin' no eye contact with me. I plugged the charger into the wall and he sat down on the opposite side of the bed with his breakfast in his lap.

I really, really like him, I could love him- there are things that I love about him.

I don't know what to feel. My brain must be asleep still, or could is it just love on the brain? I've never felt this way before, I'd feel incomplete without him and that still scares the hell out of me. I can't just accept it, I can never be too certain even when he comes home with a bouquet of flowers. I still wonder where he was before he walked through the door?

He slept with my best friend, we weren't together then but I'm not sure what we are now.

I stared at the back of him and wondered, what is he thinking?

Where has he gone and is it my fault he left me here to sulk in the silence? I thought about what I could say- should I tell him that I love him too? I can't say something that I'm not sure I even mean.. He tells me he loves me so often, every chance that he gets.

I feel so guilty for being unsure but is that not his fault?

My phone vibrated, then again and again, then about twenty more times. I picked it up and watched the missed calls and text messages pour in. Reading the texts felt like a slap in the face, it was like being told about my mother's passing a second time. I wasn't sure I could get any sadder until I did.

From; Jayde 🌹

Are you okay?

Have you landed? I would've came with you love