The Past (on hold)

Chapter 1

Away. I just want to move away. Far away, where no one knows who I am and I can make a fresh start without my past.

You may be thinking who I am and what are the things in my past I wanna run away from. Well, my name is Aleksandra and I live with my family in Centern Finland at countryside near a small town. I'm 19 years old and I finished upper secondary school about a month ago.

My family consists of my mother Maria and two little brothers Jamie and Mikael. I have a few really close friends here and I love them, but unfortunately there still is more of the people that hate me or who have hurt me badly, one of them is my father who's in prison (you get to know why later).

The reason why I hate my past? I got bullied in pre-school and through the elementary school. The bullying wasn't physical but words can hurt as badly as physical bullying and I know that for a fact. My classmates (mostly girls) were teasing me about my clothes but mostly they just didn't let me play with them and when they did, they always made new rules I then broke cause they didn't tell me about them. I didn't have many friends back then maybe two or three.

The 5th grade was propably the worst cause then I had all of my own classmates and also the boys from 6th grade against me. And the girls from 6th grade they weren't actually bullying me, but they weren't my friends either.

And also that's when my dad started drinking and he started abusing me. He didn't do it to my little brothers or my mum. Only to me and always when no one else were there. And I was too afraid to tell anybody about it because he said that if I tell anyone he'll kill me. The abusing continued until my father got loked up. So it continued for 8 years.

When I went to Middle School I went to a different school than the bullies so the bullying wasn't that bad anymore, but I had to travel in the same bus to school and back with the bullies so they bullied me in there.

The thing that got me through the toughest times was music and especially One Direction and Little Mix. They literally saved my life.

Now I'm going to leave this hell behind me. I want to "disappear". I told about my leaving to my mum, brothers and to the few closest friends of mine. My grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins know that I'm leaving, but I told them that I'm going to Helsinki (the capital of Finland) when I'm actually going to London. I don't want them to know where I am. I deleted my old Facebook account and made a new one. I changed my email-address and my phone number. I even changed my name. I introduced myself to you as Aleksandra, which is my new name. My old name was Julia and my middle name was Aleksandra but because I'm going to London it's easier to use the name Aleksandra.

Why I didn't want to tell my relatives where I'm going? Well it's because I never felt like I was accepted by those people. They never really talked to me when they saw me and once my aunt even told me to move out of the picture cause she wanted to take a "cousin picture" even though the people in the picture were my cousins.

The reason why I choosed to go to London was my love towards One Direction and Little Mix. And I've also always adored London and England overall.

I'm leaving tomorrow. I know that I will miss my good friends and mum and my brothers but this is what I've wanted since I was 16. I can't wait till tomorrow. My flight leaves at 4 pm. and I have to leave home around 11 to be on the airport early enough. I've packed all I need and now I'm spending the last evening for a long time with my family.