Ivy
******
"My stomach is in knots, I can't breath." I said crying so hard I was starting to hyperventilate.
.....
Once Ms. Angie got me to the living room she tried getting me to calm down.
"I don't need you having an anxiety attack." Ms. Angie said. "Look at me, look at me. Breath slowly, follow me."
I nodded trying my best to calm down.
"Can I leave you here alone? I need to call for-"
"Don't say it, don't." I croaked out.
"Okay, I'm gonna go into the other room quick."
I felt like a zombie just staring off into space as tears continued to fall. I couldn't be in this house right now.
I got up and somehow ended up sitting on the ground outside next to my car.
"Tink?" I heard Slim's voice. "What's wrong?"
"Tell me, what's up?" He asked again when I didn't say anything.
"Ms. Monica." Was all I could get out.
"Damn Tink." He said before sitting down on the ground next to me. He didn't say anything and I didn't need or want him to.
I heard a car screech to a stop a few minutes later.
"Jayon." I said getting up when I noticed him about to jog up the porch steps.
When he stopped and turned around I fell into his arms crying.
Jigz and Ms. Angie made me and the baby get checked out. After figuring out we were both fine. I just wanted to go lock myself somewhere I could be alone, but Jigz wouldn't let me. So that night I cuddled into him and cried my eyes out for what felt like forever.
•
The next week felt like a complete blur.
They did an autopsy to know for sure what was the cause of her death and they said there was no real cause. She had stopped breathing in her sleep. Her doctor said he thinks she had broken heart syndrome since none of her health problems started until after her husband's death.
I didn't want to go to the funeral, but I knew I had to see her one last time or I would have regretted it.
At the funeral I sat with Jigz next to me. Cierra came over and sat next to me grabbing my hand.
"Get off her she's my sister." Slim said removing Cierra's hand from mine squeezing in between us making her move over. I gave him a small smile before it disappeared.
I sighed resting my head against Jayon's shoulder playing with his fingers.
After missing a week of school and work I finally got back to my regular schedule.
I still felt like everything wasn't real tho. I still felt like a zombie just going through the motions.
I went from wanting to be in our house at all to not wanting to be anywhere else, but here.
I've been avoiding my social worker, but I'ma go in and talk to her soon.
•
"I'm about to go get some food what do you want?" Jigz asks me.
"Nothing." I mumbled watching a movie on Netflix.
"Yo you ain't been eating enough lately. You have to fuckin eat, Ivy."
