Ivy
******
"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!" I snap pissed off at myself.
"Dammit! I'm so fuckin mad at myself!" I said roughly running my hands through my hair.
"My kitchen tho, Tink." Cierra said.
"You're not helping." I said.
"You're an idiot you know." I heard Mike's voice this time. "You and Jigz. He did that shit on purpose and you fell right into it. That's my brother, you lil sis, but y'all both idiots."
"I'm going to eat dinner. Y'all not gonna fuck up my good ass meal my woman made." Mike said leaving the living room.
"In my kitchen tho, Tink." Cierra said again.
"Ugh." I said so disgusted with myself.
He always gotta come around fuck shit up and leave. And I just fuckin let him.
•
After all that I had Cierra drop me off at Ms. Angie's so I could get Mya, my car, and go home.
"Do I wanna know?" Ms. Angie asked probably knowing something was wrong just by looking at me. I told myself I was gonna try to not show anything, but of course she'd notice.
I shook my head, "I can't tell you. You'll be so disappointed in me."
"Oh hell, Tink."
Once I was home after giving Mya a bath and putting her to bed I stayed up half the night letting Ms. Angie's words of wisdom replay over and over and over again in my hand. Yes, things are obviously easier said than done, but I was gonna make sure her words stuck and were gonna be done.
I've been continuously letting people come into my life just to fuck it up for years now, but this time was my own fault. I am now doing shit to fuck up my own life and that's when I knew it was time for a change. A permanent change.
And the next morning I woke up with a completely different outlook on life. I was gonna stop just existing. I'm gonna live. Not forcefully with bullshit popping up every five minutes, but happily.
•
I stood by Sean's car waiting for him to come out knowing it's his time to get off work.
When he came out of the building he stopped for a minute when he seen me, shook his head, then continued over to his car.
"I'm not stalking you or anything I just wanna talk quick." I said.
"There's nothing to talk about, Tink. You ruined that last night and luckily it was now instead of further down the line."
"I did and I'm so fuckin mad at myself for it because I know I messed up what could have been a great thing. I'm not here to beg you to give me a second chance or anything I don't deserve it and I'm not gonna act like I do even if I wish I did."
He was about to open his car door, but I put my hand out to stop him. "Just hear me out, please."
"I honestly just wanna apologize. I'm so sorry. I finally decide to give a guy a chance, a good ass guy, and ruin it because of an ex."
"Yeah, you lucky it was this good guy that got fucked over and not anybody else or they wouldn't have taken it so lightly."
"Sean-" I started to speak again.
"Tink, it's over. It's coo, stop apologizing." He said now opening his door. "And aye, just don't fuck it up with the next good guy. You deserve better then you're actin. Take care, Tink."
