dear tyler joseph ☼ j.d. + t.j.

1

dear tyler joseph,

   my name is joshua dun. you probably don't know me, but i know you. i have for a very long time. i've been your neighbor for the past six years. (apartment 21P.)

i remember the night you moved in, i could hear you talking to someone you called gerard and you told him where to put each and every box. "control freak much?" i had heard gerard say and then the sound, i assumed, was you punching him in the arm. not long after he left i heard you begin to strum a tune on a ukulele. after a couple minutes you began to sing, i still remember the words. "oh ms believer my pretty sleeper, your twisted mind, is like snow on the road" it was beautiful.

you kept singing late into the night and i found myself drumming my fingers along to the beat, it sounded pretty sick, to me at least. i don't think you could hear me.

every so often i would hear you stop strumming and take a breath, i've always wondered what you were thinking or who you were thinking about. i never had the guts to go up to you and ask.

i never had the guts to even talk to you.

weeks passed and you kept the same schedule which, for some glorious reason, was similar to mine. you woke up around nine and got ready to the beat of whatever band you were in to that week. i always ended up looking those songs up and listening to them on repeat. i learned that the songs you would play defined how you felt that day. whether it be happy, sad, angry, lonely, or anything else.

i've always admired you for that. once i thought i knew every good band there was to know you'd find another and my world would grow just a little bigger.

one night in the fall after you moved in i was woken buy the sound of crying. i wasn't sure if it was you or someone else. i stepped out of my warm bed and walked over to the thin wall that separated us. the crying then got louder and i could feel my heart break with every agonizing sob you gave. i remember wanting to go over there and tell you it was going to be all right and whatever you were dealing with would all work out fine. but i didn't, i stayed where i was, leaned back against the wall and began to hum the tune you sang that first night. a minute passed and  i heard you take in a sharp breath and stand up. the thud of your bare feet got louder as you moved over to the wall. i guess you'd heard me. that didn't stop me however, i continued to hum as your breathing evened out and you fell asleep.

has anyone ever told you you snore? you do. but don't worry it's one of those cute ones that you'd expect from a kitten.

eventually years passed and i still never got the courage to talk to you. you always seemed so happy, even when you were faking it, you hid the sadness well. the shine of your eyes when you smiled, and i mean really smiled. the kind that you just can't help and never leaves, that smile is what kept me there in that small, musty apartment. whether you knew it or not you were saving my life tyler joseph.

•••

'good morning' were the first words you said to me. you had finished your daily run and i had finished my daily trip to the coffee house. we arrived at our doors at the same time and as you reached down to turn the key you had placed in the lock, you glanced over to me, smiled, and uttered those two words.

you have a beautiful voice tyler joseph, not only when you sing but when you talk. it's soft and warm, as if you could make a blanket out of it, shielding you from the cold.

i can't remember if i replied or not, all i remember is dropping my keys, bending over to pick them up, and standing up again to find that you were gone inside your apartment.

i know this might sound kind of strange, but over the next few months i grew very fond of you. whether it was the way you put your heart into every word you sang, or the way you only spoke with kindness, never saying anything hurtful. even when you were being brutally honest with someone, you were always very kind in the way you arranged the words.

now me, i don't know how to place the words in a seemingly perfect order to convey every feeling i need to. all i can really say is, i love you. not in a platonic friend way. but in the kind i knew, and wish, could last a lifetime. i wish i knew how to tell you all that i want to.

•••

it's been a month since i heard you sing, i'm sure you never stopped i've just been away. i don't really like it here. the people are always coughing and the care is not quite up to par. you might be wondering where i am, well i'm at St. Simons Hospital. don't worry i'm okay. at least that's what the doctors say.

yeah i know they spent 8 or more years of their lives in school just to save people like me, but the thing is, i don't trust people. not many at least. people always find a way to avoid the truth, especially if that truth can hurt you. i find it better to just tell the truth and get the pain over with.

i'm not sure what the point of this letter was, or if i will ever send it. i guess i just wanted to 'break the ice' one last time.

in conclusion i would not like to say good bye, i've never liked those words and i made a vow to myself never to use them.  they make everything feel so final and with you tyler joseph i don't ever want there to be a finale. so instead i would just like to say. hi, it was my sincere pleasure to have the joy of meeting you tyler joseph. 
                              ~JD