dear tyler joseph ☼ j.d. + t.j.

10

"can you drive any slower? honestly my grandma drives faster than you." ashely huffed from the passenger seat and tyler smiled, almost laughed a little. they were on their way to the hospital, josh should be out of surgery soon and they wanted to be there when he woke up.

"we'll get there when we get there."

"yeah yeah." ashley waved a hand at him and turned to look out the window. it was getting close to the end of october, the air was getting colder and soon there would be snow on the ground. winter was tyler's favorite time of year, the bright white snow, cuddling up to a warm fire with hot coco in your hand, getting kissed under the not so unexpected mistletoe.

"hey, quite working up a boner and find a parking spot." ashley said interrupting his thoughts.

"i'm not....look there's a spot right here just calm down." tyler said turning into a spot on the end next to a tall leaf-less tree.

"get a move on joseph." ashley said already standing next to the car and heading quickly for the hospital entrance. tyler jogged a little to catch up to her and stopped abruptly in front of the big glass doors.

"what's wrong?"ashley said, her hand resting on the door ready to pull the handle.

"i don't think i can do this." tyler stared up at the tall building, the many stories of plain glass were enough to overwhelm him.

"yes you can." ashley hooked her arm around his and gently pulled him towards the door. she practically dragged him to the elevators and quickly hit the button that closed the doors, making it certain that tyler couldn't run away, and the number 2 shortly after.

"hi is joshua dun out of surgery yet?" ashley asked the lady at the front desk of this floor. the same one tyler had spoken to the first day he came here.

"yes," the woman paused and scanned through a couple pages resting in a manila folder before continuing. "the doctor will be right out to talk with you." she gave a somewhat forced smiled and turned back to her computer already clicking away at the keyboard.

"great, more waiting." ashley breathed loudly as she sat down onto the hard plastic chair. tyler sat down next to her and began picking at his finger nail. the nerves were building up inside him and if he didn't get some answers soon he was sure he would explode. after what seemed like hours, but in reality was only 25 minutes, a tall dark haired doctor came out of the big white doors tyler had been staring at the whole time.

"ashley? tyler?" he said and they both nodded. "the surgery went mostly according to plan, we got the entire tumor out, but there was some bleeding resulting in josh being in a temporary coma."

"what?" tyler said his brain simply not knowing how to function after the word 'coma' had left the doctors mouth. ashley's hand had quickly reached out to grab his and she was squeezing so tightly tyler thought the bones would simply give out.

"unfortunately there is nothing we can do but wait for him to wake up."

"what if he doesn't wake up?" tyler stared directly at the doctor without blinking. he wasn't entirely sure what was happening, as if everything was moving in slow motion. ashley was looking down at the floor, every couple of seconds she would blink hard as if that would stop the tears from falling.

"well, there is no need to worry about that at this time. josh is in stable condition. you can go and see him if you like." with that tyler stood up, still holding ashley's hand, and lead her towards josh's room. they both stopped and stared at the door, blank expressions on their faces. they had no idea what they were supposed to do next, so they just stood there, ashley was clutching to tyler's left arm, and tyler was trying desperately to swallow the lump forming in his throat.

"we should go in." tyler finally managed to say, his voice was shaky and his hands were too. sweat had accumulated on his forehead and he pulled his sleeve down over his hand and wiped it away. he reached down and slowly turned the knob.

the blinds were open, the sun flowing in and shining through josh's bright purple hair. he was laying completely still on the mattress, his hands folded neatly over his slowly rising chest. tyler watched his abdomen go up and down reassuring himself that josh was in fact still alive and breathing, at least for now. ashley walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed. tyler just looked at her, unable to move, as she slid her hand under josh's. she ran a thumb over his knuckle and tyler watch as a tear fell down her cheek. he swallowed hard and hoped he wouldn't start crying to, he wanted to be strong for ashley, and in some ways himself too.

"ashley?" tyler took a few steps closer trying to figure out how to comfort her. "are you okay?"

"no." she said, her voice so quiet it was almost inaudible. tyler let out a breath and sat down next to her, he reached his arms around ashley and she quickly turned and hugged him back. she rested her head on his shoulder as her arms squeezed tightly around his stomach. 

"i don't know what to do tyler, he's my only family, he's like my brother. if i," ashley took in a sharp breath trying desperately to hold back the tears threatening the fall. "if i loose him, i-i just can't even think about it." tyler wrapped his arms tighter around ashley and rubbed her back reassuringly. he was to busy comforting her to even think about how his life would be without josh. he tried his best to push it to the back of his mind and focus on ashley, because right now she was all he had to get through this.