Sketches and Scars

| sketch eight |

We’re watching Bugs Bunny in a comfortable silence, even Tallan has relaxed somewhat, enough to lean back and not look like he’s sitting upon a mousetrap.

Then the phone suddenly rings, startling the both of us. Tallan jumps, staring at me with wide eyes. I give him a sheepish smile, and get up to answer the phone.

“Jade! Where are you? Aren’t you coming to the park?”

“Park?” Then I remember: I made plans with my friends. “Oh!”

“You forgot, didn’t you. Come on, now. We saved you a spot!”

“Oh, okay. See you...”

I hang up and turn to find him watching me curiously. Before the thought has fully processed in my mind, I ask him if he wants to go with me. He blinks, surprised, and a little hesitant. Just as I thought he’s about to decline, he says yes.

When we get to the park, there are already lots of people there, waiting for the free concert to begin. Tallan hunches over as if he wants to disappear. I guess he doesn’t like crowds. Without thinking, I reach over and take hold of his hand. He glances down at it, but doesn’t pull away. I find I really like the feeling of his hand in mine.

My friends raise their eyebrows when they see who I’m toting behind me. They don’t say anything though, but Amy gives me a knowing smirk when she notices the hand-holding. They greet Tallan with equal enthusiasm, which I’m happy about. He’s shy and barely glances at their faces for more than a second, but his hand squeezes mine, letting me know he’s okay.

I haven’t relaxed and let myself have fun in a while, but now, knowing that Tallan’s okay and next to me and safe, I let go. It’s good. We’re here to hang out and have fun and enjoy music.

I glance over at him, and he’s watching me. It might be just me, but I think there’s a small smile on his face. I smile brightly at him, wanting him to do the same. He stares at me, and then glances away again. But just before he does, I catch sight of his lips tugging up, even if it’s just for a second. Small, but it’s a start.

We go grab pizza with the girls, and we all pretend not to notice that Tallan eats even less than Kate, who’s on a diet almost every other week. They try to include him into the conversation, but he still replies in quiet, three-words-max answers. He sits close to me.

Waving goodbye to my friends, Tallan and I start walking back towards my house. To my surprise, he’s the one that reaches out to grab my hand. He blushes slightly when I look at him, but holds my gaze longer than he used to. He doesn’t say a word, but I understand. He feels comfortable around me. I can tell it’s a huge thing for him, and I smile because it feels like a privilege. Maybe, just maybe, he’ll be able to tell me his story some time.

We’re a block away when he tugs me to a stop. I look over at him, wondering what’s wrong, but he’s staring past me. A house----no----his house. It looks even colder and foreboding than the last time I saw it. The windows are dark, even though it’s almost dinner time by now.

“Do you want to go in...?” I ask him hesitantly. I don’t really want him to leave yet.

He keeps staring, and I think he didn’t hear me. Then he turns, closing his eyes for a second. “No. Let’s go. Please.” His hand has my own in a death grip.

“Okay.” I lead him away, with not a glance back. Sending him a sideways glance, I hope he doesn’t freak out again. It scares me when he does, because I feel so helpless and useless.

“You sure you’re not hungry?”

“I’m fine.”

I sigh to myself. His voice is flat and emotionless, and he’s pulled away from me again. I don’t know how to reach him now. So I sit next to him quietly, the tv breaking the cold silence between us. My mind has drifted to some daydream when he shifts, and decides to speak.