Drowning // a sam pottorff fanfiction

Chapter 1

"I FUCKING HATE YOU , YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT" my dad says to me everyday he gets home from work

See I'm use to this it happens to me all the time I'm abused by my father and my brother
They sometimes do it for fun
My mom died while I was being born and my father was abusive to my mother too, or so he tells me. I mean I don't care to hear about fathers abusiveness towards people I hate that he drags my brother into it as well

I cry everyday and cry myself to sleep and you may think I'm suicidal but I've never gotten to that I always tell myself things will get better and I will be saved by a handsome prince but that never happens to me
Ever

I'm 17 I'll be 18 in 5 days I'm not happy about it because my father and brother hit me each 15 times in the face.
I've never really been happy

I have 1 friend but she doesn't get me so I don't talk to her she made fun of me (great friend right)
So I have no one

I'm gonna try to move out right when my dad goes to sleep on my birthday
I've been saving Money ever since I was 8 I'm moving to California to at least be away from my "family"

I need someone I want to know I'm pretty or I'm not just a human wasting the air for others
I want a boy to help me and make me happy but I'm not pretty to even get a boy friend
I wanta be loved and not slapped or hurt anymore

My dad told me I'll never move out and if I do he's tracking me down
See nobody knows he abuses me except my brother I can't tell anyone because it wouldn't help

Nobody has proof

I have scars

I cut all the time

Deep as I feel

I stitch them up and hide them so my dad doesn't hurt me

Life isn't pretty for me it's never been good what makes me so sure it's gonna get better

My dad threatened to kill me so I said go ahead and he didn't because I wanted him to
I wear what I feel I feel trapped nobody is gonna help me up out of this dark room

I only wear black I used to be colorful but now I wouldn't mind if I died

My dad comes upstairs

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING SLUT" he shouted his veins piping out of his neck

"I'm wasting your air" I said and looked down

"I KNOW YOU FUCKING BASTARD"
he laughed

I can't do anything or my dad will see me because he put cameras every where so he's always watching me he just doesn't see me when I'm outside

He loves to put me down

My brother on the other hand is 10 my dad teaches him how to hit me and how to be abusive they enjoy it a lot
You would think I would try to stop him I mean he's only 10 but I'm always so weak and sad even if I did try it wouldn't work I'd get hurt more by my father
I started to sob in my hands missing my mom because I've never seen her but i would have loved to
My dad heard me , came upstairs and punched me grabbed my hair and threw my head against my wall

As he walked away blood came out from my head

Tears rolling down my face
I sat in a corner all night long and planned how I would leave

"I just wanta be loved" these words replayed in my head over and over again

I finally fell asleep In my corner because I have nothing not a bed not a tv I have a phone but I only use it for my dad and I have no car but my dad has two he makes me get him stuff and so I have to use one of them

Fast asleep I was