[UN] LOST {Bucky Barnes}

21. Trust issues

We ended up leaving the Barton's safe house a couple hours after lunch we decided, and by we I mean everyone but me and Bucky, that we should make our way back to the avengers HQ. It took tony carrying me over his shoulder to get me in the quinjet, where I proceeded to be a pissy mood.
"Nearly there" tony reassures.
"So it's not to late to jump out?" I roll my eyes.
"C'mon Alex if you're thinking shield is like hydra then you're wrong, we won't hurt you"
"It's not that, I just want a normal life, no fighting, no fucking aliens invading New York, no killing, no causing a city to drop out of the sky, I just want a normal life." I huff crossing my arms over my chest.
"I know, but I don't think you'll ever have that, after what Hydra did to you and the hole 'I can create portals with my hands' shit, I don't think you'll ever have a Normal life" tony smiles sadly resting his hand on my knee comforting me.
I gaze out the front window of the quinjet as we land, Nick fury, Sam and a few shield agents stood by the landing pad waiting for us.
"Welcome home" Clint smiles as the back of the quinjet opens and we all climb out of it.
Ever since Bucky and nat had that talk, bucks been off with me, he's ignoring me and avoiding me at all costs, he can't even look at me.

The second I step off the quinjet and onto the grass, 2 shield agents storm over towards me and Bucky, handcuffing our hands behind our backs and injecting something into our necks, it made Bucky go all dazed and dizzy like happy gas but because of my fast metabolic rate I just felt light headed for a second.
"Hey what the hell?" I hiss struggling as we where dragged away from the avengers.
"Oh right it doesn't work on you" one of the guards who had a tight bruising grip on my arm mumbles.
"This will knock her out" the other mumbles before a fist is connected to my temple. The world goes black.

...

My eyes flutter open and the second my eyes are open, I have a strong sense of dè jâ vu. My hands and ankles where tied down to a metal table, the room was dark, the only light source coming from loads of small red, green and yellow lights that where radiating of various machines around the room. Oh god I've been taken back to Hydra haven't I?
My heart pounds in my chest and there was a familiar ringing in my ears, I could feel the restraints cutting into my legs and wrists as I panic under them.
I literally felt like I was having war flash backs, the more I struggled, the more the flash backs came flooding in like a tsunami.
I let out a strangled sob as my body gives up and I just lie their accepting my fate and quietly crying. I haven't cried properly in forever, it was drilled into my head at shield and at Hydra to hide your feelings, never let them get in the way of anything, feelings make you weak, which is probably why it's so weird to see Bucky smiling and laughing or for me to cry and actually feel for the first time. It's almost like I'm learning how to be human again.
"Alex" a voice booms making me jump and immediately stop crying.
"Alex? What's-" the voice drew nearer as I flinch away at the voice.
"Alex god are you okay?" Suddenly hearing his voice was like the biggest sigh of relief.
"Steve!" I cry struggling under the restraints as his face appears next to me.
"Please help me" I whisper.
"You're not in danger Alex, you're fine, you're safe" he soothes staring down at me with sympathy and sadness.
"No please Steve you don't understand I need out of here" I hiss.
He contemplates for a second before beginning to unlock the restraints.
Once I'm finally free, I stand up from the table and I don't know whether it's because I stood up to quickly and I became dizzy or I was exhausted from the whole, being made to relive hydra torture thing, but the second my feet touched the floor my whole body dropped to the floor like I was being dragged by an unknown force.

"Longing, Rusted, Seventeen, Daybreak, Furnace, Nine, Benign, Homecoming, One, Freight car" the words spun around in my head like I was listening to a voice recording trough headphones.
"Welcome back soldier" the Russian accent booms as I slowly look up at the scientist.
I'm removed from the memory wiping machines and taken straight to cryo. It's the usual routine, id have no recollection of anything that happened before that and I would just never question it. Questions meant I'd get tasered.

"Alex?" The unknown voice chimes.
"Ale- your not Alex are you?" the voice continues as I slowly stand up staring at the blonde haired man in a red white and blue suite. He looked incredibly confused as he backed away from me.
"Who the hell is alex?" I hiss before lunging forward at the unknown man and grabbing him aggressively by the collar and forcing him into the metal door which dented from his impact.
"Who the hell are you" I yell wrapping my hands around his neck.
"Alex this isn't you" he gasps before throwing a punch at me causing me to stumble backwards. He goes to throw another punch but doge it and grab his hand twisting it around against his strength until I heard his arm crack. He surprises me by using his leg to kick at the back of my ankles kicking me to the floor.
The fight went back and fourth like this, none of seeming to be winning, he had amazing strength and his reflexes Where so quick, this fight seemed to take us no where.
However it was cut short by oh you know an arrow going through my shoulder.
"Steve!" The minute his name is said it's like in slapped back into reality or stabbed back....with an arrow.
"Oh Fuck" I gasp. And just like that i am brought back into Alex mode, suddenly remembering all that's happened to me, I wasn't in Hydra, I was safe, and unjust nearly beat captain America to death. I stare wide eyed at Steve who was covered in cuts and bruises who was being tended to by Clint as I try and process my previous actions.
I spin on my heels and dash out of the room running aimlessly around the the halls with an arrow in my arm trying to find somewhere that wasn't here.
"Woah" I deep voice gasps as I pair of strong hands trap my arms at my side. A pair of brown eyes burn into mine as the face becomes familiar. It was Alec the first Shield agent to find me and Bucky in that hotel room.
"Jesus Alex what are you doing here?" Evan chimes stepping towards me, I was too busy being in a hot panic to realise he was even there.
"Don't touch me!" I flinch away from Evan as he goes to place his hand on my shoulder.
"I don't want to hurt you" I whisper.
"Right I'll have to take her somewhere else, somewhere safe" Alec sighs pulling out handcuffs from his belt and placing them loosely around my wrists.
I follow Alec and Evan to this weird room that was empty besides from this massive glass pod in the centre of the metal room, there was a weird little metal stand that had loads of little buttons on it.
"So do you always carry handcuffs around?" I smirk once I'd finally calmed and controlled myself.
"Down girl" Alec rolls his eyes pressing a button in the panel and the glass door slides open smoothly.
"This is where the hulk would go if he ever lost control, but he clearly won't be needing this" Alec says taking my hand cuffs off and grabbing my upper arm. He pushes me slightly into the the pod before closing the door.
"I'm sorry we have to do this Alex" Evan says sincerely.
"Yeah whatever" I hiss turning my back from the two boys.
"Just shout if you need anything there wi be guards hanging around somewhere." Alec says before grabbing Evans arm and dragging him out of the room. I ship them two.

I let out a loud sigh before sitting down and leaning against the pristine glass and white metal walls of the pod. I tuck my knees up to my chest and rest my forehead on them, tears burning my eyes as I fought them back.

...

"Alex!" Clints voice booms as I slowly open my eyes and look up from my knees.
"It's Steve, Hydra got him" he breaths pressing the button to open the door.
"What do you want me to do about it?" I hiss.
"You and Bucky know Hydra better then anyone else here, you two need to help us make a plan to get him out of there."
"I will, if you, ya know, remove to fucking arrow you left in my shoulder" I spit. Gesturing to the arrow still lodged in my shoulder.
"Sorry about that" Clint murmurs wandering over to me and holding his hand out to help me up. I flinch at first, and Clints face goes from panic and distress to sadness and sympathy.
"I won't hurt you...again" he says glancing at his arrow stuck in my arm.
I take his arm and he helps me up.
"So how do we get Cap back?"