London

Emily Gilmore

I don't know how she's still standing, I thought, following my grandmother through her massive mansion. The large pillars placed in the house many years ago made it efficient and smooth for the flow of the house, as I'm sure Emily Gilmore wanted it to be.

Entertaining has never been such a sad occasion for my social and sophisticated grandmother. Although the house is filled with many antiques and some of her most prized possessions, it feels especially empty without Grandpa.
My grandmother mindlessly gave hugs and expressed her gratitude to many, all with a smile on her face. A smile that was completely fake. I knew she was truly hurting on the inside, as we all were.
The feeling of loss became heavy in that moment, weighing me down. I felt a huge weight rest on my chest as the walls began to close in on me, a telltale sign of a panic attack.
"Hold on, Grandma, I need some fresh air," I muttered, walking out the front door and to the side of the house.
The sky was bright blue with soft, thin clouds, the worst day for a funeral. How could the weather be so beautiful and the day be so incredibly heartbreaking? I laid my head back against the cool tan brick, biting back tears as my breathing slowed down. I was almost too focused on cooling myself down I didn't hear the approaching footsteps.

"Hey, Ace, come here."

I lifted my head off the side of the house as I walked towards Logan, grabbing his hands and holding them. The look of sadness in his eyes was evident, this day being hard on him too.
"You shouldn't be here Logan." I said softly. "I mean, I'm grateful you are-" I hurriedly corrected myself as Logan let out a small laugh.
"I know Ace, and I don't disagree with you. I want to be here for you." Logan said, as he pulled me in for a heavy hug. I let my sobs out, my back heaving with every deep breath in. Logan had his chin resting on the top of my head, one hand rubbing my back and one hand in my hair. Both my arms were wrapped tightly around him and my head was buried in his chest, letting his firm and comforting body calm me down. My sobs eventually slowed down as I took a deep breath and pulled away, grabbing his hands and staring into his coffee brown eyes.
Logan brought his soft thumbs up to my eyes, wiping away my remaining tears and never breaking my gaze. I kissed his cheek slowly, whispering a soft thank you in his ear. He nodded in response, the look in his eyes telling me he was always there.
I let go of his hands and walked back into the house, feeling somewhat composed and a little bit better. I found my grandma in the dining room accepting thank you's from two older women dressed in black. She said her goodbyes and took my hand walking me into the study, easing the door closed. We both stood in the doorway, looking around the room lacking a certain presence.
My eyes welled as I realized how long it's been since I've been in this very room. My grandma began walking around, peering at the deep brown cedar walls and the bookshelves lining the walls and hitting the ceiling.
I had vivid flashbacks to all of my time spent in this study, talking to grandpa, doing homework, and coming here when I needed a break from Emily and Richard.
"I haven't been in here since he died. I've left everything the same and that's exactly what I plan to do." Grandma said, more talking to herself than me. "How are you doing, Grandma?" I asked, walking over to her and resting my hands on her shoulders. She put her hands on mine and lowered them down, keeping my grasp.
"I'm doing fine, thank you Rory." She said with a small smile on her face.

"So, how long has this been going on?" She asked, immediately switching the subject. My eyebrows furrowed into confusion. "What do you mean?" I asked confusedly, as she smiled at me. "Oh, drop the act Rory! I knew you'd end up with each other, I just knew it. He's engaged, but he can easily break that off. Oh wow, this is just wonderful!" She said, clapping her hands together, her mind already shifting into wedding planning mode.

An anxious feeling rose in me as I spoke my next words. "Grandma- no. How'd you- I mean,-"
"Oh, I saw you two outside just a few minutes ago." She said casually, waiving her hand in dismissal and walking towards the big window, peering out of it pensively.
That anxious feeling only grew as I realized that I had to explain to her that it was just an affair. It was just casual. It was just... Vegas. The feeling shifted as I realized that I didn't want it to be Vegas. I didn't want it to be what it was. I wanted... more.
Grandma turned around and must've seen the expression on my face.
"Rory, you don't need to explain. I'm not stupid. I know what you millennials do now, you have casual hook-up buddies or whatever they're called."

Emily Gilmore spoke with such sophistication and eloquence, so hearing the words 'hook-up buddies' forced me to stifle down a laugh.

"Grandma, Logan isn't my 'hook-up buddy'," I said in air quotes. "He's just always been there for me." I finished, watching my grandmothers expression shift into a knowing smile. A welcomed silence loomed in the air, speaking for the person that wasn't in the room with us.

"I won't tell your mother, don't worry." Emily said, taking my hand and leading me out of the elegant cedar room. I laughed and proceeded to follow her out of the study that didn't feel so empty anymore.