Little Did She Know (Niall Horan)

Hopeless

Katelyn's P.O.V

I woke up again today to the same alarm tone as I had yesterday. Niall's ringtone.

I pulled myself out of bed and got ready for school once again, except today I had on a black polo shirt with khaki shorts. I paired that with my dark brown Sperries.

I wore a little extra makeup today to cover my bruises. Thankfully I wouldn't have to worry about my new cuts which were still a little foreign to me, because they are on my thigh and not my wrists.

School starts at 8:00 am, and it was already 7:30. I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a quick banana nut muffin to munch on before school. Chinese food surprisingly doesn't fill you up, well me anyway.

After I had finished eating my muffin, I grabbed my books and called loudly through the house, "Come on you guys it's getting late!"

I heard mumbles and groans coming from Kameron. He was frustrated about mama trying to give him a goodbye kiss. It actually made me smile remembering when she did that to me when I was little.

We were finally heading to the truck. I really need a new car even though we really don't have the money. I need to talk to mom and dad about that tonight!

We dropped off my little brother and continued driving to my high school. Kaylea gets dropped off last because her private school doesn't collect tardies. Unfortunately mine did.

I was at those same old green doors, the ones that greeted me every morning before stepping into my worst fear. It was just another day of being judged and called names. When was this going to stop. I was a senior, this wasn't suppose to be happening to seniors.

Today I couldn't get one direction out of my head. I believe it's because when we had break, I heard a girl talking about that they announced their WWA tour dates for 2014, and the best part is that they're coming to America.

School passed by quickly today for some reason. Thankfully no one questioned my limping and I ignored most of the mean jokes and hateful comments.

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I stumbled my way up the back steps and into the back door. I put my purse and books down and grabbed my laptop from my desk.

"Kaylea," I called out through the wall. She was just a room down from mine.

"Yeah? You called me," she said coming into my doorway.

I smiled and patted the bed next to me. Even though I was in pain from my bruised body, I didn't let it show at all. I had to smile and be strong for her. I had to smile through the pain.

"What is it that you are so happy about?" she asked me with a grin on her face.

I smiled a genuine smile, "One Direction announced their WWA tour and... they are coming to America!"

"They really make you happy don't they?" she said smiling even bigger towards me.

Of course I loved every single one of them, but I really felt something for Niall. Can you be in love even though you've never met that person? I don't know, but I think maybe that's what happened with Niall, or maybe I'm going crazy.

"Uh, hello there?" she said staring at me like I was crazy.

"Oh I'm sorry, I was just thinking", I answered blushing a little at the thought of Niall.

She giggled

"Oh so it's Niall invading your mind again huh?"

I chuckled a little.

"Haha, nooo why would you think that?"

I was smiling like an idiot right now.

"When do the tickets go on sale?" she asked me.

"They go on sale the 7th of December and that is like four months away, but it is definately worth the wait," I said still smiling.

I finished talking to her about the tickets and she left out with a wave.

I looked at my phone and the time said 5:00 pm. Was I really talking to her that long?

I decided to log onto twitter to see what the boys were doing. I typed in @Nialler's_Craic. I always laughed at his username. No updates just the normal what he was doing tweets. I checked the other boys' accounts and then logged off.

By then it was 6:00 pm. Gosh I sure can burn up time fast. I decided to go watch t.v. until dinner got ready. Since we had gotten home from school, mom was in the kitchen fixing pork chops with salad and mashed potatoes. That was one of my favorite dishes that she made.

I made my way to the living room couch sitting down and being careful not to harm any of my bruises. Kameron came bouncing in with his little Spiderman suit on. He was so adorable.

"Hi big sissy, whatcha watching," he said with a toothy grin.

"Nothing yet, do you want to pick something out?" I asked him

He went over and picked up 'Charlotte's Web' which was one of our favorite movies. He came running back after popping it in the DVD player and plopped down beside me as he stared intently at the screen.

The movie was halfway over, it was the part where Charlotte was about to die. This part gets me everytime. I was bawling my eyes out like a baby and to my surprise Kameron was just smiling at the screen.

"Kam, why are you smiling? She is dying," I said still teary eyed.

He looked over to me, "She might be dying but her babies are going to keep Wilbur company and she can see them from heaven."

I smiled so big towards him, but then mom called out that dinner was ready.

Kameron wanted me to race him but I couldn't. I loved playing with him, but if I did I might get hurt even more.

I sat down at the table where Kaylea, Kameron, my mom, and dad joined me. I ate my salad first. I enjoyed it, because I haven't had salad in a long time. I was about to eat my pork chops but I realized I didn't have any steak sauce.

I got up and picked it up from the fridge's shelf. I always had to eat my pork chops with A1 Sauce. Don't ask because I don't even know.

"Hey mom and dad, One Direction's new tour dates are out and I would like to go to the one in Pasadena," I said with a smile.

"Now honey, I know you love them boys, but we don't have the money," mom said with a sad look on her face.

"Yeah sweetie and my work isn't bringing in good money right now," my dad said

My smile dropped. I thought maybe I would get to see them once in concert. The whole time my mom, dad, and I were having this conversation Kameron and Kaylea were finishing up their food.

I realzied I wasn't going to see my idols. I would just be another fan in the crowd anyways. I gave up. I was hopeless.

I left the dinner table after I was finished eating.

I made my way to my bedroom. Since I had my own bathroom in my bedroom, I decided to take a shower since it was probably around 8:30 pm by now. I got my towels as usually as I threw my dirty clothes into the hamper.

I turned on the shower, but before I stepped into the shower, I took a glance at my ruined body before tearing my eyes from the awful reflection that was me. I stepped into the shower while the warm water washed away any tears I was shedding by now. Why is it always at night when I tend to break down. I use to be so happy about a year ago. What happened to me?

I used my same coconut vanilla shampoo and conditioner and my body wash. I tried to be careful as I bathed myself going over the bruises that were purposely made onto my body. I grabbed my razor and started shaving my legs being cafeful not to touch any of my cuts that were already made.

I set the razor back down, but I started thinking about all the hurtful things people had said to me. I thought about One Direction. I thought about Niall.

I sat down in the bottom of the shower just like I had the night before with the razor blade back in my fingertips.

I set it down on my thigh. One cut, you are not pretty. Two cuts, You got raped. Now no one will want you. Three cuts, Niall could never love you. Four cuts, I'm worthless. Five cuts, I have nobody there for me.

I decided that was enough for tonight. I now had 15 cuts total. The pain was awful, but it didn't hurt as bad as it did last night. I watched as the blood yet again ran down my leg and into the water another night. I sat there until the water turned cold and I was freezing with chattering teeth.

I cleaned myself up and stepped out. My leg was a little weak due to the blood loss. I didn't worry about it though because I knew it was going to be fine. While I was in the bathroom I went ahead and brushed my teeth and cleaned my face even though I had just taken a shower.

I walked into my bedroom. It was a little cool this time because the air was left on. I grabbed some long pink shorts and a yellow t shirt with pink writing across the front that said 'DREAM'.

I crawled into my bed covers and plugged my iPhone into my charger and set the alarm. I pulled the covers up closely over my aching body. The covers had already started rubbing the mangled up mess on my legs. This wasn't going to be a good night's sleep.

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A/N: Ahhh 6th chappie done! More tomorrow! Where is Katelyn's life going? What will happen with her cutting? Will anyone find out? Xx