Begin Again - A.I

thirty eight.

When Ashton and I get home we're still kissing. He lays me softly down on one of the beds and towers over me, and I can still feel the music ringing in my ears and thumping through my body. 

It feels like there's not enough time to kiss him, like I'm rushing to do whatever I can before the time runs out. There's so much energy in the room that I can almost physically see it.

And before I even know what's happening, he's sitting me up and slowly taking off my shirt. His touch almost burns me and I let out deep and slow breaths at his movements. He pulls back and just looks at me.

"Are you okay?"

"I-I've never done this before," I explain. Which, is obvious, because I only just had my first kiss last night. What a weekend I'm having.

"I know," he says. "Do you want to?"

Did I? With Ashton? Um, yes. "I don't know how."

"I'll show you." Then he's kissing me again and I'm lying back down on the bed, and I find it easier and easier to kiss him. He moves away from my mouth and starts kissing my neck and all the way down my stomach, which I'm extremely self conscious about and I tense up. 

"What's wrong?" He asks, noticing my shift.

I don't say anything, because I don't know what to exactly say, but it seems that Ashton figures it out because he runs his hands all over my chest and stomach and kisses spots of my skin gently. 

"You're incredibly beautiful, El."

There is not enough times Ashton Irwin can say that to me. I feel my insides twist and I smile at him, because when he says it I can actually believe it. And when he touches me and kisses me I can actually feel it. And I've never felt it before.

His hands trace patterns all over my skin, moving down towards my thighs. He pushes my skirt up and I suddenly feel very vulnerable, but it's quickly diminished when he begins to kiss my inner thighs and I feel a strange feeling of elation. 

I try and forget about how many girls Ashton's done this with, but I'm kind of glad, because he's seriously good at it. He's definitely had practice and knows exactly what to do. But something about how slow and gentle he's being tells me that this maybe could mean something to him, perhaps more than it did with anyone else. I like that thought.

He moves back up to kiss me again, and I can feel him smiling against my lips. It makes me smile too and I can't help but let out a small giggle.

"What?" He smiles, lips inches from mine.

"I just ... this is crazy."

"Yeah?"

"I've known you since I was five."

"You've been waiting a long time."

We both laugh and I have to cover my mouth. He leans forward and kisses the back of my hand.

"Does this feel right to you as well?" He asks softly.

I smile. "Yeah. It does."

We kiss again, and it stays slow and soft and gentle, and when Ashton's hands are on my hips I myself feel soft and gentle. And I think about him and I think about us and all the history we have. And this does feel right, because he does. He feels like home to me, like a home that I'm longing for. The home that I once had, the home that I loved. 

Ashton Irwin is everything I ever wanted but just never knew that I had. Until now. I love this moment, and I think that maybe I could love him. And maybe, just maybe, he could love me too.