Begin Again - A.I

forty one.

Seeing Ashton only made me want to get more drunk. I met back up with the others and immediately poured myself another drink, downing it in one go.

"Woah." Michael rushes over to me, snatching the cup from my hand and setting it down on the counter. "Easy tiger."

"He's here," I mumble.

Michael squints at me and then looks around the room. "What? He is?"

I use Michael's distraction to fix myself another drink. "With his pretty little master. The Queen of Everything. Mrs Bow Down to Me."

"What the fuck is he doing here? Marie would never let him go to a party ...." Michael pauses mid sentence.

I sip at my drink and look at him. "What?"

He looks like he's seen a ghost. "Holy fuck."

"What?" I ask again.

"That fucking bitch."

"Seriously, what?"

Michael tugs at his hair, he looks frantic as hell. "She's planning something."

"What do you mean?"

"I have to go find Luke." Michael looks back at me. "Just, uh, stay safe. Don't drink too much. And avoid Ashton at all costs." And with that life advice, he's moving into the crowd.

"Well..." I mumble under my breath as I lean back against the counter. I take another sip of my drink and decide to walk around. I felt very drunk, but I liked it. I wasn't thinking about Ashton. Well, not as much as I did when I was sober anyway.

I stumble outside and move through the crowds of people, trying to find somewhere somewhat isolated. I end up lying down on the lawn, spreading my limbs out and looking up at the stars. I feel like I'm in a hundred places at once, both here and L.A. In Ashton's arms, yet also so alone. I close my eyes, feeling the heaviness of everything weighing down on me. It feels nice to just not think for a while, to feel my entire body tingling from alcohol and not Ashton's touch.

I shove my hands in my jacket pockets to keep them warm and my fingers curl around a slip of paper. I pull it out and unfold it, revealing the fortune from the Chinese restaurant Ashton and I went to in the city.

These violent delights have violent ends.

I screw it up and throw it away, ignoring the pang in my chest. I don't know how long I lie there but it feels like hours. I then finally pick myself up and head back inside, joining the groups of people and warming up from their body heat. I find Calum sitting on the couch with some friends and I join him, immediately feeling a little safer. 

"You enjoying the party?" Calum asks over the music.

I look at Calum and how close we are and I wonder what would happen if we kissed. Would Ashton see it? It would surely make him mad. Would he get jealous? I look down at Calum's lips and he just looks at me, his eyes darting across my face. And then I throw up all over his shoes.

------

Michael

Teenagers were the most disgusting creatures. The tiniest drop of alcohol would turn them into absolute animals, desperate to breed with one another. I step over a used condom lying on the ground and curl my lip in disgust. Seriously?

"Michael!"

I turn around and come face to face with Natalie, and the mere sight of her almost makes me trip over my own feet. "Nat-Natalie ... h-hey ..."

Things between Natalie and I had been somewhat awkward since we went out together. I absolutely adored her but with everything going on with the band and with Ashton I just didn't have the courage or time to ask her out again. We still talked in class and around school but I was getting the feeling she was becoming sick of waiting.