Lost and Found

You promised

            He follows me all the way to my locker and people were looking at us the entire way. Like it was the first time they noticed me. I guess it stings to know that after three years they finally noticed the Famous Lucas Holt had a sister.

Who knew?

Alec drops me off at my class and I go to my usual corner seat. I plug in my earbuds and listen to some sick tunes. I know, I'm cool. I give a little smile to myself thinking how I just said 'sick tunes'. But it immediately disappears as I think about where I am. I'm by myself in the corner of the classroom listening to sad music. Life is just great. The bells rings and guess who walks in just after. Let me end the suspense and tell you who, Alec Daniels. Such a surprise. Except when he walks in his face is set in a cold rage and his hands are clenched into fists. He looks so scary that even the teacher doesn't comment on his tardiness. Even though it was like a second teachers will still yell at you. Alec slumps into the seat next to me.

"Who did you beat up?" I whisper with my buds still in.

"No one," he says through clenched teeth.

"Really?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Really."

"You beat up my brother didn't you?" I narrow my eyes at him.

"And what if I did?" he says with an edged to his voice.

"I honestly don't give a shit," I say with a bored tone.

"You seriously don't care that I beat up your brother? Your twin brother?" he raises both his eyebrows at me.

"Yep," I turn to look out the window. Thinking about the brother I lost.

We get through the period without talking to each other.

I'm sitting in my car listening to music with my eyes closed when I hear a knock on my window. I crack an eye open and see Lucas holding up Starbucks.

"Go away," I scream over the loud music.

He holds up the tray of drinks to the window.

"Go away," I scream.

My phone buzzes and I look down to see that Alec texted me.

'Let your brother in the car'

I'm so going to kill him after lunch.

I unlock the door and motion for him to come to the other side. He gets in and sets the tray down. When he gets his drink and notices that I didn't reach for mine he breaks the silence.

"Don't you like peppermint hot chocolate?" he gives me a look.

"We're not ten any more Lucas," I snap at him.

"Oh," he slumps in his seat.

"Say what you have to then get out," I glare at him.

"I came to say that I want things to change, in a good way that is," he says gently.

I give a cold, brittle laugh.

"Now? You want to change things now? After how long? Oh right three years, three years of this going on. Do you even notice what is going on? Or are you too engrossed in your little bubble to pay attention to your sister? Oh, wait maybe it's because you're ashamed of me. Yeah I bet that's the reason you didn't even say anything. I saw you when Emily locked me in that janitor closet. You were on your way back to class from the bathroom and you ignored me. You ignored your twin sister who was your best friend. You promised me promised that we would always be there for each other. So no, things can't change."

His eyes widen and he just looks at me with such sympathy in his eyes. I feel like I'm going to barf at his stupidity.

"No, I don't want your pity. Pity gets nothing done, so if you have nothing useful to say. Leave," point out the door and he just slowly gets out taking the tray with him.

I get out of the car because I need to talk to Alec. After Lucas gets out of the car I lock it and turn to walk back to the school. Lucas tries to catch up with me but I pick up my pace and send him a glare over my shoulder. He can't just waltz back in my life with an 'I'm sorry, please forgive me, and let's start a clean slate.' He's going to have to do a lot more. Especially when he didn't even realize that I was gone for an entire week at the hospital on suicide watch. I tried over dosing but my mom found me and I was rushed to the hospital. The entire school had an assembly. They didn't mention my name of course because I didn't want all those fake sympathizers. So basically I could have died and my brother wouldn't have even noticed. I bite my lip and continue walking. I walk into the cafeteria and it suddenly gets quiet. There's still chatter going on and small conversation but you can see the dramatic decrease in sound. I find Alec sitting on top of a table and it looks like a cliché high school movie. I motion him to follow me out and he gets off and catches up to me. I lead him to a quiet corner in the hallway. As I turn around I pull the front of his shirt and push his back against the wall.

"Woah," he says as the breath knocks out of him.

I go to the gym every week and eat healthy, so yes I can slam his body against a wall.

"You have no right to manipulate who is in my life and who isn't. If my brother doesn't have enough balls to want to fix something then let him grow a pair on his own. Don't beat him up and then threaten him. It's genuine but something force, I know reality. I know that he doesn't give a shit about me and I don't give a shit about him so it's fair. You have no right to meddle with my life, okay?" I push his chest with my pointer finger.

"Really? You don't give a shit about your brother? Then how come you let him in the first place? How come you drove him to school? How come you didn't forget that promise?" he leans in until our noses are touching and I can feel his warm breath.

"How did you know about any of that?" I ask slowly as I take a step back.

Hurt flashes through his eyes but it disappears as fast as it came. I don't want a relationship right now. I'm too broken for someone to count on me when I can't even count myself.

"I'm on the team you know," he says in a duh tone.

"So my brother talked about me?" I ask in a small voice.

"He makes sure none of the boys touch you or bother you," he says quietly.

"Well I can assure you that they don't touch or bother me," I say in a bitter voice.

"You know what I mean," he tries to reason.

"Did you know that we pinky promised to be best friends forever? To always protect each other," I smile at the distantly memory.

I turn to walk away but Alec goes to grab my wrist.

"Don't ever force people to come in my life, if they want to then they can do it on their own free will. I'm not some basket case, I've survived for three years what's more than another one," with that said I jerked my wrist out of his hold and make my way to class as the bell rings.

I don't look back, as I walk through the crowd blending in like I'm nobody.

Chapter three peeps! How do you think this story is coming along? Is it not detailed enough? Am I over exaggerating anything about depression? I'm not trying to make it cheesy because this is a serious illness and no laughing matter. I hate how people are more concerned with cancer than this. Depression is one of the worst diseases because people don't know if they have it, or they go undiagnosed. It is way more deadly than cancer in my opinion because it can scar you forever. There is no telling when your depression is going to end. It's really hard to smile sometimes like you'll laugh and then you'll go back to a blank face. It's really hard, you don't want to eat, and you don't want to wake up. You hope that you'll just not wake up at all. I'm always here if you want to Dm me or just leave a comment saying you want to talk, I've been through depression, anxiety, ADHD, and bipolar, so I know how you feel. And even if you don't have anything you can still talk to me. Don't forget to comment and vote, and please, please, PLEASE comment any errors you see in my book. I will be more than happy to fix them. xoxo