I Fell For The Girl I couldn't Have

Painful

( I felt like I wanted to write for some reason.. This sucks...It's supposed to be sad..it's now winter in this part of the story)
                     Indigo's P.O.V
It's been a month. A month since I've talked to her. A month since I've smiled because of a simple text. A month where there wasn't a day when my skin cried tears of red. A month since I've seen my brothers. A month since I've spoken to anyone but my close friends.
They say heartbreak doesn't last forever ,but I don't believe that. She's the only thing that's been helping me. I haven't had help in a month.
We didn't "break up". No. Not at all. She's my girlfriend I haven't spoken to in a month. A savior I haven't spoken to in a month. I don't remember what exactly happened. Probably because clouds of marijuana smoke have been clogging my brain.
I'm not addicted. No I just like to forget for a little while.( Wow that doesn't sound like something someone with an addiction would say..wOW) With my friends. I made friends over the summer. Most of my other friends have gone on there own and forgot about me. But that's okay. I'm pretty easy to forget.
These thoughts swarm around in my mind until my door is opened.
" I brought the weed and sour gummy bears. Sadly no vodka," My best friend, Dalton remarks, as he walks in my room with bags in hand.
"I've got Taco Bell and films of our lord and savior Harry Potter," One of my other friends, Max says, as he follows behind Dalton.
"I have ice cream and french fries," Says Max's boyfriend, Jay , closing the door as he entered.
"Coffee flavor?" I ask hopefully.
"Bambi what else," He replies.
"Stop calling me that," I say , crossing my arms and sticking my tongue out.
"Can't help it. You've got big doe eyes and a freckled face. It's a perfect name for you," He states.
I roll my eyes but smile.
"Stop flirting with my boyfriend," Max whines.
"Not my type."
"What's your type?" Dalton speaks up.
He's definitely high already.
"My girlfriend," I say stiffly.
Dalton looks down, sadly. Max hands me a blunt that he had just finished rolling, then pulls out a lighter.
  I suck in the toxic, letting it fill my brain with a fuzzy feeling and a warm feeling clouding my lungs.
This was our escape from the awful world that we live in. Usually the weed makes me stop crying and forget that I haven't heard from the girl that I care the most about in a month.
Today it doesn't feel like that. I just feel numb again.
"I got your mail by the way," Dalton says handing me a couple bills, birthday cards,and a small package.
Oh shit I forgot about my birthday. Doesn't really matter I guess.
As I long through my mail,while passing the blunt between Dalton Max, Jay, and I.
What catches my attention is the return address on the box.
"That's Jazlyn's address.." I say quietly.
The boys watch as I slowly open the package. On top there is tissue paper but when I pull that away I see a note and a small jewelry box.
I pick up the note with shaky hands and read:
'I can't... no I don't love you anymore. I don't wanna be your girlfriend..I would rather just be friends..Or maybe nothing at all...I think it's a better idea..'
I know there are tears running down my cheeks at this point but I pick up the box and look at it.
I know what's in there. I know exactly but I need to see it.
I open the box to find her ring from our set sitting atop velvety cushions...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was 3 in the morning now. I hasn't stopped crying since my friends had left. I assured them I was fine even though I was screaming on the inside.
So now I lay in my bed, knife on my nightstand, the note laying on the ground, and tear stained cheeks.
I had always told her "I'm so glad I met you" but now I was trying to convince myself that I wasn't. It was no use though, I would always be happy that i met her.
I turn my head to the side and look at the cold blade. No one let my near knifes and watched me shave since the incident but swiping one from Daltons house was easy.
I pick it up and look at my arm.
'Such a bad girl. Looks like you finally realized that she only did it to be nice. Your friends only talk to you
to get free weed' He mocks in my head.
" You were always right," I say in barely a whisper.
I slowly drag the knife across my skin, then stop.
I smile evilly, an idea popping into my head.
I pull up my sleeve, that rested on my shoulder and carved on my bicep '15'
"Happy Birthday to me" I mumble, watching the blood drip from my arm.
I turn my head towards my phone. Then pick it up. And send a simple message that hurts me more than it does her.
'I'm sorry I wasted your time. Don't worry about having to deal with a crazy fucking bitch like me anymore. heh heh no one will I guess. I'm glad I met you Jazlyn Thomas '
I smile sadly, then get up to grab a pen and paper. The paper has drops of blood on it already making it soak through into my hardwood floor.
I quickly write notes to my brothers, friends, and my to my father.
I place them in front of my door then lay down on my bed.
I let the tears fall from my face as I slip into darkness..