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two
f o r g i v e n e s s
"After a heartbreak, I always wonder."
"About what?"
"When will I be okay? When will I forget about this feeling and be okay, act like the usual me?"
"Memories isn't something that you can forget easily. You will remember it, and sometimes it feels like your heart stings just by remembering the memories, sometimes it feels like there's tears vibrating behind your eyes, sometimes it feels like it's so weird to be happy because you think you should be sad. Heartbreak won't heal in an instant; it needs time. This is reality, not a movie or novels which the character has a climax scene which shows that he/she can get over his/her heartbreak. And no, heartbreak won't heal just by announcing to everyone that you're already feel okay. Heartbreak will heal little by little. You won't forget it, but someday, you can see your heartbreak in a different percepective. It takes time to be okay, because it heals little by little. So don't ask 'when will I be okay?'. Because you will be okay even without you noticing it."
"What do I need to do to get over it?"
"Accept it, forgive it, and make a peace with yourself. Again, heartbreak is not something easy to heal. It needs time and patience and acceptance."
"To accept that everything between me and him is over was pointless. We have nothing to begin with."
"Not 'we have something', but only you. You have something for him since the beginning. Accept the fact that he didn't appreciate what you feel about him. Accept the fact that you still have the 'what if' scenarios in your head where you and him could be together. And then accept the fact that your 'what if' scenarios is just a mere illusion, will never be a reality, and everything between you and him is already over."
"...it's hurt. It's hurt to accept that every hope I have about him is over. It's hurt to see him with another girl. It's hurt to know that the girl suits him really well, like they are a match made from heaven. It's hurt to remember every memories I have about him, like he's in every corner of the room wherever I looked at something, then act like it's nothing."
"It is. It will hurt. But feeling hurt itself is a part of the healing process. Because to heal a broken heart sometimes feels like healing some scars. There's itch when you pour an alcohol on your scars to make your skin aseptic before pouring the medicine. You will feel hurt in the process because of the alcohol, but you need the alcohol before you pour the medicine. Feeling hurt is a part of the heartbreak healing. You will remember many memories then accept that you were happy because of him, but you should also accept the fact that anything between you and him is over. Accept the fact that you still think about him every night, or any time you get the chance. Accept the fact that you still miss him and think the 'what if' situation where you and him could be together. Accept the fact that you still want to cry for him. And accept the fact that you still have feelings for him deep down in your heart."
"...after that?"
"Make a time for crying and let it all out. Don't think about how stupid you are if you still crying for him. Just cry if you want to. Let it all out. Accept that everything between you and him is already over, and it's okay."
"I feel so stupid."
"It's okay to feel stupid sometimes. But you need to forgive yourself. Forgive your past self who had acted stupid, and then you can move forward."
