Half a Heart

Chapter 14.

(Not my photo above- credit to original owner!)
Marlee's Point of View

I shake my head as I run my fingers through my hair, feeling the anxiety run through me as I walk around the room in small a circle. I anxiously walk towards my suit case, feeling my throat tighten. I shake my head again as I sigh. I need to grab clothes for the day- I need to at least seem normal. I know I definitely need to ignore Taylor- and possibly ignore my boyfriend who already seems to be doing exactly that to me.

I grab my grey sweater and slip it on over my head- putting on my black leggings not soon after. I throw on my socks before grabbing my knee high boots and putting them on, not being able to help but feel my hands shake as I slip them on to hug my feet.

Saying that I loved Aaron and that I hoped to spend the rest of my life with him has really taken a toll on me. I did mean what I said- completely. It's the fact that I wasn't expecting to say it drunk just after yelling at my ex-boyfriend. I was expecting to say it over a romantic night of something- whether we be having dinner or even drinking cheap wine coolers by a fireplace and me saying I love you.. then, hearing him say it back to me.

I wasn't expecting such a shocked expression on his face- even though I did say I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him- I still wasn't expecting it when I said I loved him. His expression.. he was so baffled, yet you could see he was sad at the same time. Why would he be sad? Or so baffled?

We've been together for a long while now.. one of us was bound to say it at this point- I just decided to do it first. Wearing a bikini. Drunk. Just after yelling at my ex.

Perfect.

I fight my groan as I drop my leg, standing upright as I frown at my decisions and actions over last night. I should've never said that I loved him- and definitely should not have said that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.

I lick my lips, feeling them dry along with my mouth. I drank way too much. I walk into the bathroom, opening the cupboard set on the wall above the toilet. I snatch my toothbrush and quickly brush my teeth- brushing violently as the thought lingers in my head.

He didn't say it back.

I spit quickly, wiping my mouth with a towel as I set my toothbrush back. I rest my hands on the bathroom counter, shaking my head slightly. I bring my gaze up to see myself in the mirror. I almost don't recognize me- my eyes have darker bags underneath my eyes than usual and my hair is tousled in a long mess.

He never came into the room last night- and I haven't seen him so far this morning.

I feel my eyes roll back as I snatch my makeup bag off the side shelf. I bite my lip as I rummage around looking for my moisturizer. I might as well look like I slept- and I may as well look like things are going alright.

Maybe I should pretend that I don't remember.

I stop myself from rummaging through my bag, allowing the thought to linger in my head longer than it should. It could work.. I mean I was really drunk and it would make sense for me not to remember. Maybe he'll play it off as well if I do- but I don't like the thought of that at all. He should just talk to me so we can work this out- instead of both of us cowering not knowing that to do or what to say. For me, what to even think.

I blink a few times before going back to looking for my makeup and hair ties. It could work.. and maybe it would be better off if I just pretended that I didn't remember. It'd sure be easier.

I don't want to think anymore.

I grab my phone from off the countertop, going to Spotify and pressing play on my music. I hear Poker Face by Lady Gaga come on. I feel a small smile come to my lips as I turn the song up- ready to do my makeup and maybe make myself feel somewhat better. And definitely make myself look better.