I SEE YOU NOW (A Cara Delevingne Fanfic) GxG

CHAPTER XIII: Samantha

Why do I get the feeling that fate is definitely playing with me right now? Can fate be that cruel? I thought I have had enough demons to struggle with.

I went to get myself ready for the birthday party this afternoon. But the thought of Rooney suddenly crawled back into mind. She was hurting. Still hurting, to be exact. And it was weird because I usually felt like I should care about her. But it seemed like I don't have the same feelings anymore. I know I should feel something. I know I should have called Rooney after finding out from Kate. 

But I can't make myself to. Have I gone numb after being hurt for too long? Or am I just rejecting the idea of having her back because I was, of course, hurt? Everyone acts like this after getting trampled on. It takes a lot of courage and some stepping over pride to trust again.

Glancing at myself on the mirror, I jumped in surprise. Red blotches were scattered all over the left side of my neck, just under my chin. I didn't notice this when I was taking a bath this morning. But of course, I was hurriedly taking a bath, knowing Cara's presence was evident.

I know this kind of mark. I only had this whenever Rooney and I.... I stopped myself. No. It couldn't be. It's not possible.

Cara said nothing happened last night. We just slept. Maybe this was just an allergic reaction to alcohol. Sometimes, I bloat after getting drunk, getting rashes all over my body. But this mark was only on my neck, which seemed strange.

I shrugged myself from the thought. Maybe I was just imagining things. It was like I could visualize Cara's lips on my neck, as if we both wanted the same thing. I shook my head. It couldn't be. Cara said nothing happened so I chose to believe her.

I looked at my bed and it was still not made so I hurriedly arranged it, inhaling Cara's scent still lingering around.

Am I in love? I think I am. But I barely even know Cara. We just literally met two days ago. How can I be so fucking sure this is love? Of course, it wasn't. This is infatuation. Just a simple crush.

I should be thinking about Rooney and how badly she wanted me back. I always knew Rooney was like another version of me, couldn't stand up for herself, not that she wanted to, or cared enough. But she also never said the things she wanted to say. Like what Kate just told me. Rooney's still hurting. I should care about her. But I couldn't get myself to. 

Have I moved on? All I could really think about right now was Cara. And how much I missed her even when I was just with her this morning.

Every time Cara calls me her dear, my heart always skips a beat. But what if she's like that to everyone else. She said she wanted to be friends and maybe that's all we'll ever be.

I sent Cara the details of the hospital's location. She didn't confirm back. Maybe I was a bit too clingy and maybe she's trying to come up with a good excuse not to go. 

I remembered looking at her eyes and how I could see her, just as lost and broken like me. What if she's in love with someone else?

If I kept on spending more time with her, things might get awkward between the two of us because sooner or later, I'd be confessing my feelings toward her. And I was not sure whether she wanted that.

Breathe. I exhaled through my mouth, making myself tense down. Like I said, I have my own demons in my head. 

~~~

I made my way outside my apartment, wearing a long black leather coat over a printed tee shirt. I decided to wear my black beanie because the wind was too strong, it could blow my hair to strange places.