I SEE YOU NOW (A Cara Delevingne Fanfic) GxG

CHAPTER XIX: Samantha

I kept myself preoccupied the entire week. I had to.

It's what I always do when I want to get over someone. It's not completely foolproof. But it's better than hoping.

I wanted to delete Cara from my entire system. But every time I would find myself alone, drinking coffee, or taking a long shower, or just staring absentmindedly at the ceiling before succumbing to sleep and upon waking up, Cara was always there.

~~~

Dreams of Cara filled most of my nights. It mostly consisted of the very last night we shared together. For days, it had become somewhat nightmarish. I was longing for her to come back, to call me. But she never did.

~~~

My fingers hovered over the screen of my phone, over Cara's contact number. What more can I say? The heart wants what it wants. And I missed her. 

The opening theme song of Friends series had just started playing in the background. Binge-watching the series repeatedly made my life a bit easier. I turned my phone off.

~~~

I was lying on my bed, wide awake in the middle of the night, with my phone on my hand. It's just going to be a small talk, I made a mental note to myself. Just ask Cara how she has been. What's happening with her life. That's just simple. She wanted to be friends, right?

But I knew then she was just trying to be nice when she offered being friends. How can someone just pretend nothing happened and go back to being only friends?

~~~

Maybe Cara wasn't lying when she said she wasn't sure whether she still felt the same toward Annie. 

It was 3 in the afternoon. I always get depressed every 3 o'clock in the afternoon. I used to have no idea why. I just used to feel like I do. Now, I have every reason to be.

~~~

Rooney kept on calling me for days and nights. Somehow, her calls kept me from thinking about Cara. I thought I was finally getting there.

For some reason, the paparazzi outside my building had figured out my daily activities and followed me wherever I went. How can I move on when every single thing I do reminds me of Cara? 

~~~

James called one morning, informing me that they'll start shooting the film I wrote in February next year. I tapped my pen nervously against my desk as I listened through James' voice. He was now in the midst of discussing the location, the arrangement and the cast. And my mind suddenly drifted back to  Cara. Every thing drifts back to her. I shrugged myself.

I should drink more coffee. No, I should probably take a short nap. It wouldn't hurt.

"Sam? Are you still there?" James' voice brought me back. After apologizing, the call proceeded for another hour.

~~~

I was writing again. It should be a good thing. But I knew I only write whenever I'm depressed. 

After what seemed to be two hours of putting life into words, I decided to call it a night. My fingers hesitated to shut the laptop down. 

Oh, what's the rush, anyway? No harm in checking. Just checking.