50 Shades Of Garfield (Andrew Garfield Fanfic) *EDITING*

Chapter 18

Chapter 18

I just figured out that crying my entire eyes out results in side effects such as migraines and stomach aches. If only they made prescriptions for depressed teenagers.

Oh wait, they do. They're called drugs. Something I'm never going to do.

It's even days since I yelled at him and said I hated him. I don't hate him, I feel anything but hatred toward him.

Girls are weird. We say that we hate a guy and make them think we actually do, but we really love them. Hate is a form of love.

I told Addie I wouldn't break his heart that is apparently more fragile than I think it is. I promised her I wouldn't do anything that would take years to mend. Fighting with me can't break his heart to much, right? He doesn't care about me at all, based on what he told Kyle.

He made me think he cared, but he can't love me. If he loved me, he wouldn't have said that. If he loved me, he would have kissed me by now, instead of letting me fall in love with him.

Maybe that was part of his deviant plan to get me into bed. He's proved he's smarter than he comes off so he could very well make a plan like that.

I'm in love with him and that's exactly what he wanted. I can't change how I feel, but I can definitely change ever talking to him again.

I love him and I can't do a fucking thing about it.

My face is pressed against my pink pillow that has tear stains marked all over it. It's hard to breathe in fresh, cold air from keeping my face up against a warm pillow, but I don't care. I at least took a shower before I began crying again. I even sobbed while rinsing out my shampoo and conditioner.

During the last two days of school we had this week, Andrew and I didn't talk once to each other. Harper continuously asked me what was going on and why I was so upset. It was quite annoying actually, but at least I know she cares about how I'm feeling. Collin tried to talk to Andrew a couple times, but he just played with his pencil and ignored his talking. He even ignored Kyle and he never completely ignores Kyle, no matter what the situation is.

"Claire," a soft voice says and I know it's my mother's.

I reveal my face to her but then hide it. "What do you want?"

I feel her sit down by my feet and she pats the outline of my legs through the sheets. "I know it hurts right now-"

"It's going to hurt forever," I interrupt. "He broke me, Mom, he broke me."

"I know it's a boy that's got you down, but I don't know who it is." She moves closer to me and rubs my back. "Do you want to tell me who?"

I show my face again and look at her. "I'll give you one guess."

She nods her head. I haven't had many breakups in my life, besides Justin Fetcher and I's breakup the summer of my Junior year, and it wasn't as heartbreaking as this, and Andrew and I aren't even a couple. Now I know we can never be a couple.

"I didn't know you were feeling the way you were about him," she quietly says. "You should've told me you liked him."

Loved.

I shake my head. "You would've made fun of me because I told you I hated him, but it turns out that he's really a nice, sensitive, down-to-earth, sexy guy and not the one I thought he was. I was wrong about him, okay, I was wrong and I'm admitting it. He's the guy I've always wanted to be mine, but now he can't be. Andrew can never be mine when I don't deserve him. I don't deserve anyone. I might as well just start collecting my cats right now."