If I shut my eyes for a second, I could see starts. Little dancing beams of light without a care in the world. They danced across the black of my eyelids for a fleeting moment, before fading into the dark. If I opened my eyes, then shut them again, I could bring them back. But it wouldn't be the same ones as before. They wouldn't be the same little dancing angels. So I selfishly kept my eyes shut, imagining for a second that they could come back on their own. That they could have a second everything would be the same.
I was brought back into the world by an intercom announcement calling my name. I clasped my phone in my hand and hesitantly made my way into the sterilised procedure room. A doctor and a nurse met me with kind eyes and led me onto the table. They asked me a few routine questions, before asking me to slip on one of their clinic disposable robes. I got changed behind the privacy curtain and laid back down on the table. The doctor had gone to get my charts, my breath catching as a million thoughts ran through my mind.
Was I doing the right thing?
I'd missed about a thousand calls from Evan.
But I just couldn't do it. I couldn't have a baby.
I felt so selfish. But there was nothing I could do. I was still swamped in debt from my student loans, and there's no way I could get any work done with a baby to take care of. This was the right choice.
But then I thought of Evan.
He'd be such a good dad. He's wanted kids ever since he was one, and who was I to deny him his dream? But I wasn't the person to live out that dream with. I wasn't good enough.
My phone buzzed again. It was Evan. He deserved to know what was happening.
"Hello? Oh, thank god you finally picked up! Baby, I love you so much and I wanna support you through this. You know I'll always love you more than anything,"
My breath hitched.
"Um, Evan. I'm at the abortion clinic right now. I'm so sorry but you're not going to change my mind,"
"Wait, what? I-"
I hung up the phone, choking down tears, right as the doctor came back in.
"So I found your char- oh, miss," she paused, " this is a harrowing experience for everyone, but oftentimes it's the right choice. Are you sure you want to go through with this?"
I slowed my breathing enough to concentrate.
"Yes."
A/N: stay tuned for part three! And Danka very much to @undertakerisbae for finally making me get off my lazy ass and write a part two! As always, I'm open to requests just dm me or comment on the chapter 'Help'.
Stay gorgeous!
