My Love,
It was a year yesterday. Mom said I should have come see you. I'm so sorry I didn't. As soon as I can, I'll try again.
How are you? Is everything as you thought it would be? I hope so, you deserve it. Things are better this way, but that doesn't stop me from missing you. The other day, that old James Taylor song came on the radio and I thought of you. I thought of our first Christmas together, how special that was. If I try really hard, I can still hear your laugh too. To think all those days I always thought I'd see you again.
I'm selling the house. Everything there reminds me too much of you. That old armchair you'd never let me throw out, the scratches on the floor from when Otis was a puppy. He's still a good boy. Doesn't play quite as much, though.
As I write this letter, all I'm thinking about was the day you told me you were pregnant. I was so happy. I'd so have loved to have a big happy family with you. Its a shame how things turned out. It kind of funny to think though, that a whole year has gone by and I'm still writing to you. I wish I could forget, but I can't.
All I want to see is your face at my door again, still smiling and full of hope. Pete says its going to happen, and sometimes I can't help but believe him. He's got that same hopeful gleam in his eye as you. And, you know, we're getting by, but I can tell he misses his mother. The other day I found him in our room in a pile of your old clothes. Poor guy doesn't really understand, he's only five after all. He wrote you a letter too, but I'm not allowed to read it, he says. Its just for you. I'll take him to see you next week, he wants to give you something he made at school.
We both miss you so much.
I love you to the ends of the earth and back.
Lots of Love,
-Evan
I sealed up my letter in its envelope and held it tightly in my hands. Taking a deep breath, I swallowed hard and made my way down the hall into Pete's room.
"Hey buddy. You ready?" My voice was weak and wavering, despite me putting as much confidence as I could into it.
He was sitting on his bed, back facing me, fiddling with something out of sight. I turned to get a better look, to see he was carefully folding up some pieces of paper and putting them into am envelope of his own.
"Whats that bud?"
He didnt look at me when he answered,
"Drawings. For Mom,"
"I'm sure she'll love that,"
Finally, he peeked his head around and looked at me. His eyes were heavy and soft, slightly down turned at the sides, with a golden brown iris in the middle. Just like her.
"Okay, lets go, Dad,"
***
We drove up to her plot, Pete tightly clutching his letter, along with a fresh bouquet of her favourite flowers. He carefully laid them on the stone surface, gently patting the petals back into place. I put my envelope along side them, carefully sealed, and moved my last one along with an older bunch of flowers to the ground next to the stone.
Pete looked up at me with wide eyes, clasping his letter to his chest with determination. I bent down so we were eye level.
"Hey, why don't you set some of your drawings out so Mom can look at them? She'd really like that,"
An unsure smile formed on his face, and he, while unwillingly, opened his letter and laid out some of his pictures on the stone. They were all colourful and bright, mostly featuring a woman with golden brown eyes. I nodded at him reassuringly, and as we walked back the car, he took my hand in his, ceasing walking suddenly.
"Wait," he looked back at where she was,
"I want to stay here a little longer. Mommy might be lonely,"
I chuckled lightly.
"Alright sport,"
And with that, we both sat down on the grass next to her grave, no more words needed between us.
Okayyyyy so that was a story! I got kinda depressed and thought why not but I just made myself more depressed.... Welp, that's life. The writings not my best, but I still hope you enjoyed it.
Until next time, y'all.
-Yours xx
