We Met On The Internet

23(letters 2/10)

Letter Two

Hi Phil. Logan has noticed me slipping a bit. He thinks that me going back to school will either help me or hurt me. I think it will hurt me. How do you act like nothing is wrong so well? You are so good at it. And that's not something to be proud of, but I need help. Phil I know I need help. I need you. That's not something cheesy I'd just say. I mean that with every ounce of my being. Phil Lester I need you. I need you here with me. I don't care if I have to walk to fucking Lancanshire I will. I have to have you with me again. Phil I need one of your hugs. I need to hear your voice again. I need to see your smile again. I have to hug you and have you in my arms again before I die. And I don't know if I can ever have that. God I'm starting to cry. Phil please. Please just promise me you care about me. Even if you don't. Say you do. I need to hear it. God damnit Phil why is this so hard. I feel like I'm over reacting because you have it worse than me. But Phil it, it's a struggle for me. It's hard. I've never had something this big affect me this much. It's scary Phil. I'm just so sorry. I have to cut this short. My mind is racing. Bye. Stay strong. Stay safe. Love always, Dan Howell.

Logan busted into Dan's room faster than he ever had. He just absorbed Dan in a hug.

"I need you Dan,"

"I need you too, Logan,"

"No," Logan said, "Dan im scared for you. You're slipping. I can see it in your face. I'm gonna start checking you. Because you have to be safe,"

Dan shook his head against Logan's chest, "no I'm fine. Logan don't worry. And don't check me man. I'm fine,"

Dan noticed Logan had tears pricking his eyes.

"Dan. Show me your arms,"

Dan sighed and rolled his sleeves up.

Clean.

"Thighs," Logan insisted.

Dan pulled down his fluffy blue pants.

Clean.

"Stomach," Logan ended.

Dan's eyes widened.

He pulled his shirt up.

Two. Two very faint and light, thin slashes. Hardly noticeable.

But Logan noticed. Logan always noticed.

"Why," Logan looked at the floor, "Dan. Just talk to me. Please. Dan. Just. Talk. To. Me. Oh my god. Don't end up like I did. Whatever you do, do not end up like me. Psychic wards are terrifying. Daniel James do you understand me?"

Logan grabbed Dan's shoulders and shook him, looking him dead in the eyes while his eyes looked crazy.

Dan nodded.

Logan pulled him into a hug and cried into his hair.

"I love you little bro. Stay safe. Stay strong,"

"I love you too Logan. And I will,"