We Met On The Internet

11

D. Pov

Once I uttered those words I don't think I'd ever seen Phil blush that hard. But I knew better now than to try and gain dominance over him. I would happily submit to him. If he dirty talked the way I think he did then I wouldn't think twice about not having dominance.

But then I put my lust aside and it finally hit me. Phil Lester. Precious, baby Phil Lester was being put through hell and I was his only escape.

Phil never got a break from violence. Phil never got love. Phil never had hope. His life was so dark. And I was giving him the slightest bit of light.

"Phil?"

"Y-yes,"

I didn't speak. I just tackled him from across the bed and hugged him. I hugged him in a more sentimental way then I ever had. I let him know that I had no doubt that I loved him.

"Dan e-easy on me d-dude," Phil chuckled to me.

Why was he so damn cute. I can't handle it.

"Sorry. I just," I had to swallow back some tears, "I just really want you to be okay,"

Phil's eyes got wide and glassy. I couldn't help but stare into them, my eyes were probably as wide as his.

"I'm serious," I began, "I promise you it will get better. I know it doesn't seem like that right now. But it will. It won't be like this forever,"

Phil smiled, bleakly. I did not like that smile. Phil's real smile was amazing. But a smile as bleak as that one was not amazing. It was saddening.

"Don't look so upset,"

Phil smiled that way again and shook his head.

"O-once you leave m-me, Dan," he paused for a few seconds like he didn't know if what he was going to say next was going to make things worse or not, "once you're gone I-I am too,"

"Do not talk like that!" I scolded, my eyesight blurring a bit.

"We m-may never meet a-again. I may n-never see you a-again,"

I put one of my fingers to his plump lips and shh-ed him quietly.

"D-don't shhh me. I-I'm being serious. A-and once you're gone I w-won't have your embrace. Your k-kiss. Or your v-voice, I won't make it t-through,"

That's when I started to cry a little. I thought of my life without Phil Lester. That made my heart hiccup. I did not like that life.

Phil was only seventeen. Seventeen and he has grown up too damn fast. No one should be put through that. To be told those awful things and then believe them. To have no one in your family care about you. How does he make it by?

"You're so strong. Anyone ever told you that?"

He shook his head at me in a sorrowful manor.

"Well you are. You're seventeen years old. And you have had to grow up too fast. You know? No one deserves what you've been put through. I promise you that you're a wonderful person. And I will remind you that everyday if I have to,"

Phil had salty streams of sadness flowing from his sparkling eyes. He smiled a little and laughed in a mocking way as he looked down at his crossed legs.

"Don't y-you think I need t-to stop being lied t-to?"

"Of course. No one should be telling you the terrible things they do,"

He looked me dead in the eyes. I could tell that now his demeanor has changed. He looked like he had just completely decided to stop holding his thoughts back.

"When they c-call me ugly, worthless, a faggot, gay boy, worn out, unloved those a-aren't lies,"

He didn't stutter on any of those awful slurs and harsh names. Almost like they were always running through his mind. Every hour of every day.

"W-when you tell m-me you love me. A-and that I-I have w-worth. T-that's a lie. N-no one can l-love me. I can't H-have any worth. L-look at me! I am worthless,"

My chest heaved hearing Phil talk so hastily of himself. Those words ran through me.

"Don't talk about yourself like that!" I demanded. I was louder than I would've liked to be. I saw my tone made Phil jump.

I looked up at him fast, "I'm so sorry for yelling," I squeaked as I ran my hands through my straighter damaged hair.

Phil shook his head again. He seemed to do that a lot. Almost like that was all he could do without being smacked.

"P-people don't j-just love me Dan. T-they act like t-they do. A-and even if you r-really do love me l-like you say you do, w-we have no chance. If my d-dad knew I was gay h-he'd kill me and you. W-we're both t-too young to give into forever a-and even though I do w-want to settle down with you, S-sooner or later you'll come to your senses. R-realize how much of a disgrace I am a-and leave me too,"

I started full on weeping. Like the kind when you are crying so hard you squeal and moan because it just happens. The kind that makes your stomach heave and makes you feel like you might through up.

Phil stopped crying. He toughened himself to comfort me.

"S-sorry to make y-you cry,"

Phil's normal, light, baby voice had returned in that sentence. How did he change his moods so fast? Was he that used to having to act like nothing was wrong? If so he was pretty damn good at it. And that is pretty damn sad.

"D-don't be" I sniffled.

Phil laughed to himself. It was really cute.

"D-Dan you've been H-hanging around me t-too long. N-now y-you've got a s-stutter too,"

I giggled. How did he manage to crack a joke when he pretty much just told me he was going to kill himself?

"You know I care about you Phil. You don't have to believe me. But I do. And I want nothing more than your happiness. Because you deserve it more than anyone I know. My whole life I've been sheltered by love. Your whole Life you've been drenched in pain. How about we take a break one day? We just run off somewhere and forget it all,"

Phil nodded, "I'd l-like that a lot,"

"Promise me you'll run away with me one day?"

Phil smiled, sticking his tongue through his white teeth.

"I-i promise,"