headmaster styles.

I Didn't Want To Live

Even though your life may be hard, there’s still no reason for you to end it.

April 21, 2012
A Jail Somewhere In Colorado

I tapped my fingers endlessly on the arm of the chair as the steel on the seat burned my legs because it was so freezing cold. Why would he even…?

    I let out a breath and tapped my fingers faster until I met a rhythm. But then an officer walked to the waiting room and I sat up, but he ended up calling someone else. So I went back to frantically tapping my fingers, and sooner or later I began tapping my bare feet on the floor.

    Penelope stayed at a hotel nearby, because she didn’t want to see him. I wondered why, and she told me it was because she was afraid that he would start yelling at her, and he just wouldn’t stop.

    So, I’m glad she stayed behind. I didn’t want anything to happen to her.

    I was getting so tired of waiting- so relentless to see his face. I didn’t know what I would say, what I would do. But I needed to see him.

    The officer came back, but he still didn’t call me. What the hell?

    I threw my head back on the chair, the cold steel of the rim seeping into the skin on my neck. I could not be any more desperate at this moment.

    “Anastasia Greene?” I jumped to my feet a little too quickly and almost fell over. “He doesn’t want to see anyone,” the officer said and I furrowed my brows.

    “I don’t care. Does he know it’s me?” I asked and he shook his head.

    “No. I just told him that he had a visitor. But he doesn’t want to see anyone.” He shook his head again and I groaned, lolling my head back.

    “Can you just let me see him anyways?” I begged and he sighed.

    “Miss Greene, I can assure you that he’ll want to see you some other time. If he doesn’t want to see you then I can’t make him-”

    “Since when do officers do what the prisoners want?” I hollered at him, biting my tongue in fear of smarting off to a cop.

    He sighed and gave me grin, “Alright. I’ll put him in a room. I’ll be back.”
   
    Great. Just great. More time on sitting on this freezing ass chair. I collapsed onto the chair and covered my eyes.

    What if he knew it was me? Would he still not want anyone to see him?

    “He’s a little aggravated, but come on. This way.” The officer came back to the waiting room and I jumped to my feet, leaving everything that I brought in behind. “Don’t be too quick. I don’t want you to run into anything,” he said behind me and I slowed down, “Here, in this room. I’ll be standing outside if you need anything. Be careful, he really is annoyed that I cuffed him to the table.”

    I nodded my head and took a deep breath. Then very slowly, I put my hand on the door handle and pulled it down until it clicked, pushing the door open.

    The room was cold, and the floor sent a freezing temperature through my body because I still didn’t have any shoes on.

    I leaned against the door and finally looked forward. The man sitting at the table in front of me was miserable. Ratty curls, pale face, scarred hands and red eyes. He was pitiful. But he didn’t even look up from the table. Instead, he began to wring his fingers like he always does, and his fingers were cracked open.