The One: Gilmore Girls

In Response to His Letter

Rory POV:
   Waking up in his arms always felt so right. There really isn't any place that feels more like home but I know I have a lot to tell him. I gently slide out of his arms and order hot tea, coffee and toast knowing I'll never make it through this morning without it. I quietly drink my tea and eat the toast as Logan begins to wake.
“Morning Ace do I smell coffee?”
“Yeah I just had some delivered. Why don't you have a cup while I shower then we'll talk.”
“Sounds good” he mumbles while stretching and sliding out of bed. My heart starts to race as I walk in the bathroom and turn on the shower. I go through the motions without even thinking. I'm too focused on how the conversation could go and what I should say. I'm dressing before I even realize I'm out of the shower but I now know what I need to do. Walking back in the room I see Logan sitting at the table glancing through the paper while drinking his coffee.
“Okay so there are a couple things I need you to do if we are going to make it through this conversation.” Logan puts down the paper giving me his full attention.
“I need you to sit there quietly and not say a word. I'm going to do what I said last night and just talk as if I'm writing you a letter. I'm also not going to look at you.”
“Ace I…”
“Logan please I know it sounds crazy but if I see your facial expressions or hear you respond in any way I won't make it through the things I need to.” Pacing to the window I look out and begin.
“I know I was your first girlfriend but for me you were the third. Dean came first and looking back on it with both Dean 1 and Dean 2.0 he was kind of like my Luke. He was always there when I needed him. He was dependable and always helped fix small things around the house. The problem is while that works for my mom that's not me so that's where Jess came in. He swooped in suave, sarcastic, well read with a chip on his shoulder. He was a challenge and was always pushing the envelope not caring what anyone thought of him. He was my Christopher. He comes in and stirs up trouble or to try and help me out of a mess then he's gone again right out the door. He's changed and grown up a lot since we dated but we still don't fit the way we should. Then there's you. You're a bit of a combination of the two but you push me so much further than either of them could. Logan I see you as more of my Richard. You're smart, well read and full of adventure. You are my rock and stand beside me allowing to make mistakes but always willing to step in and help fix them. You push me to open myself to new possibilities. You are the combination of my two worlds, the staid debutante and the fun loving free spirit. You're my 50+ years guy. The only one that I would demand new headstones for if it’s not perfect. The only one with the power to not just break my heart but shatter it irrevocably. In other words you scare the crap out of me and have since that first dinner at your parents.
I've been struggling with a lot of things lately. I'm feeling very lost and scattered. I mean I still can't find my damn underwear! Anyway I decided to take a page out of Lorelai and Emily's books. Now don't laugh but I started going to see a counselor. I needed to figure out why I couldn't get past you sleeping with the bridesmaids and also why I said no to you. She has helped me realize that my anger at you over the bridesmaids was actually how I was feeling about myself. When Dean and I got back together for the second time he was actually married. I convinced myself it didn't matter because they were having problems and I had him first. I never quite got over the fact that I contributed to the end of a marriage so when I found out about the girls I projected those feelings onto you. I shouldn't have and it was definitely wrong. We were broken up so it was none of my business if you sleep your way through every woman in Connecticut it just brought up some bad memories so I'm sorry. It was unfair and I never should have pushed you away like I did.
She also helped me realize that I said no when you proposed not because I wasn't ready but because I was afraid. We had already faced so much backlash just for dating each other. Your parents didn't hate me but they couldn't understand my aspirations. Your father didn't think I had “it” and your mother hated the fact that I wanted to do something other than be your wife and plan our social calendars. The thing is my mom was no better. She liked you especially towards the end but she hated what our being together represented. I was becoming everything that she ran away from. She refused to believe that I wanted to be on your arm at social events. She hated that I enjoyed working with the DAR and never believed that any of the choices that I made including stealing that yacht were in fact my choices. She never said but I know her greatest fear was that I would walk away from everything I worked so hard for.
The thing is she was right. Looking into your eyes that night I wanted to say yes more than I wanted my next breath. I would've put my degree on a shelf and walked away from writing to be the perfect wife and mother. I would've passed on bylines and deadlines for soccer practice, the PTA and planning the next DAR event. I never allowed myself to believe that I could have both because I was raised to believe it had to be one or the other when you're dealing with our social circle. So I panicked, if Lorelai said it can't be done than it must be true. I would have to choose one way or the other. All my life all I wanted to be was Lorelai Gilmore and if she didn't need all of that than I didn't either.
It only occurred to me after starting counseling that I realized I got my wish I became my mother the good and bad. This is especially true in relationships. I hate it. Why couldn't the genetic factors have stopped with the hair, eyes and witty personality? Why did I have to inherit her flight or fight response when it comes to relationships too. I saw it in her face the night you proposed. She was trying to be happy for us but hated what we represented. I was terrified if I said yes she would end up freezing me out like she did with the yacht. That's what she does when she doesn't get her way. I hated not talking to her for those months and didn't know if I could take our relationship being further strained. She's all I've ever had. It's been us against the world for so long I'm just now realizing that it's ok to let other people truly be a part of that world. With so much opposition against us I was afraid we would grow to resent each other. I didn't know how we could face all that while still growing as a couple and coming out the other side so I said no and let you walk away.
It was the worst decision I ever made. It took me years to realize that I may be like my mother but I'm not actually my mother if that makes sense. Just because she doesn't like something or agree with it doesn’t mean that's it's wrong. I could've been a good wife, mother, active member of society and award winning journalist as long as I had a strong man by my side. I lost that when I let you walk away. I lost the pieces of myself that would've made me great when I watched you walk away with my heart. In high school and college I was good because I had passion and drive. I could take the most mundane topic like the repaving of my high school parking lot and people talked about it for weeks. I lost that when I lost you. The pieces I wrote were mediocre at best. I thought if I dated Pete I mean Paul I would prove to myself that men just weren't that important in the grand scheme. Then one day I raised my eyes in Hamburg and saw you.
After that first amazing night together I saw it in your eyes. I knew you wanted me to ask you to leave your life to be with me. I just couldn't do that to you. I had already destroyed your life once how could I ask you to do it again? You fought your family, left the business and proposed and I said no. I couldn't bear the thought of doing that to you again so that's why I came up with the Vegas agreement. It was working really well too at least for a while. It killed me every time I walked away and couldn't say I love you. I had to force my self to not constantly ask you to choose me. I wanted you more than anything but felt I had no right to want a forever with you. When we were together I was me again. Every piece I’ve had published worth any acclaim was written when I was with you. You bring out the best in me. You push me and love me like no one else can. I was right. Other men didn't matter but you, you ARE the grand scheme. You are the go to battle against all parental force guy, the white dree and black tux meet you at the altar. You are the hold my hand as I'm screaming very creative expletives as I push our children into the world guy. The one who would tell me not to choose between writing a book or being a journalist when I can do both. The one who would rearrange his schedule to pick up or drop off our kids and help with the PTA just so I could meet deadlines. You are the only guy that I want any of this with. I thought by ending our Vegas agreement that I was giving you a chance to be happy but it just wasn't true. I realized the only way we would both be truly happy is if we were together. I made up my mind. We would face our parents and every other issue that arises and come out stronger for it. So I woke up and bought a plane ticket to London. My mom and Luke eloped in the middle of the night and I was sitting on the steps of the gazebo talking about something getting ready to tell her about my flight the next day when Finn showed up with your letter and I changed my plans. There's just a few things I need to know before I tell you anything else.” I turned to him wiping the tears from my cheeks that I didn't realize had started to fall. I see him doing the same as he clears his throat.
“I have one thing to say before you do. Any opposition we may encounter especially from our parents will go away. I know it may seem optimistic especially knowing our parents but I truly believe they will come to accept us. They'll see how much we love each other and that we really do bring out the best in each other plus my mom now knows that you can throw a kick ass society party. Hell she still talks about that event as the best one she's been too. We can do this Ace as long as we are together and have each others backs. Okay now that I've had my say ask me anything.”
“Do you really want to move back to New York or would you rather stay in London. I mean would you have asked Mitchum to transfer you if he hadn't already told you?”
“I would much rather be back in New York. Don't get me wrong London is great but it's not home. In New York I’m closer to Honor, Josh, the kids and the boys. It's also a lot closer to Stars Hollow so if you were to move in with me you would be closer to Lorelai. I already had the proposal drawn up for Mitchum. I had charts, graphs, statistics and everything.”
“Well honestly that's a relief. I would've gladly moved to London to be with you but it will be nice with family being closer. I know you said you didn't mind if we never got married. Do you think you'll ever want to propose again or get married?” He gives me a shy smile before answering.
“The day after I put Odette on her plane I was on my way to the ballet. I was going to be hours early because I couldn't bear sitting around my flat without you. I wound up stuck in traffic so I had my driver drop me off. As I was walking down the side street I saw the Harry Winston store and for some reason I couldn't walk past. I walked in and was browsing around when I saw it. It's from one of his newer collections and I knew I had to have it. It's The One, oval-shaped diamond Micropave´ engagement ring. It was screaming Rory and happened to be your size so I bought it on the spot. I have carried it with me every where since so yes Ace I would propose again. There is nothing I want more than to tie you to me in every way humanly possible. Please know that this time I won't push you or rush you but I'm serious about us. I'm going to do everything I can to make us work.” I can feel more tears sliding down my face. I can't believe it. He bought a ring and carried It with him on the off chance that he would someday be able to give it to me.
“How do you feel about kids? I mean I know that's what's expected of you but do you actually want them?”
“I never did with anyone else. I always thought abstractly about it because like you said that's what's expected. With you it was different even back when we were dating at Yale. I knew I wanted kids with you. I've always pictured what they would look like or whether or not we should name our daughter Lorelai IV. I know with you that I could be the kind of dad neither of us had growing up. I would love them more than life itself.” I sob. I can't help it he's just so perfect. He still loves me. He wants to marry me and wants to have kids. I need to tell him but I can't seem to catch my breath to do it. The next thing I know I'm in his lap with him rubbing my back.
“Ace, baby come on it's okay. You've gotta breath.”
“I'm okay just gi give me a mi minute.” I work hard at calming myself down. These hormones are no joke!
“I was coming to tell you that I wanted to marry you but I didn't want you to feel obligated.”
“Obligated? Ace I would only propose because I wanted to and I love you not because I felt obligated.” I can see it in his eyes and know that he means it. I say the first thing that pops in my head.
“Then ask me.” He sees in my eyes that I'm serious. There is no better time or place. No other proposal could be more us. Everything is just perfect. We've both laid our hearts bare at the others feet and are finally standing on equal ground. He stands us both up walks to his jacket and grabs something from the pocket. He turns to me with a look of pure love lighting his handsome face.
“I love you Ace. You are it for me. No matter what life throws at us we can make it as long as we're together. There's no one else I want to walk this life beside me through the good and the bad. You are my heart and push me to be a better man.” He drops to his knee and grabs my hand.
“Will you marry me?”
“YES!!!” I beam back at him. He jumps to his feet and kisses me. It's in that moment that I realize there is one major announcement I still have to share with him.
“Logan there's just one more thing you need to know.” His grin slips a little.
“What? What's wrong?”
“Nothing's wrong at least I don't think so. Logan I'm pregnant.”
“We're…?”
“Yes, we're going to be parents. The ending of our night in New Hampshire meant we'll always be connected.” He hugs me again swinging me around before gently setting me back down. He begins to sway side to side singing softly…
“We're having a baby, my baby and me.”
We're both laughing and crying at the same time.
“You're not mad?”
“Ace how could I be mad?” He places his hand on my stomach, “This baby was made in love. A little bit of you, a little bit of me and a night full of magic. We have one hell of a story to tell when it's older.” I smile lean up and kiss him until we are both breathless.
“How are you feeling? Who all knows about the baby?”
“So far I'm not feeling too bad. Mom told me some tricks to help with the nausea. It's funny you should ask about who all knows. I had just finished telling mom when Finn showed up. She left so he and I could talk and we didn't realize she had come back. She heard him telling me that we would work everything out together so she let the cat out of the bag. I'm sorry and I swear he and mom are the only two who know.” He just laughs and says that it's fine until a look of concern crosses his face.
“Wait a minute, you were drinking last night Ace.”
“Logan who was handing me my drinks?” He stops to think for a minute.
“Finn”
“Exactly do you think he would ever let me do anything to put our baby in jeopardy?” The tension leaves his face.
“No he definitely wouldn't.”
“His exact words were ‘love, my godchild' oh by the way he's demanding to be godfather and I'm actually not against the idea. Anyways ‘Love, my godchild will not be an alcoholic from the womb. It will wait until college where we can teach it our ways properly!’ He made sure all I had last night was sparkling cider or iced tea. If someone else handed me a drink he swapped it out.”
“Apparently I owe him for a lot more than just delivering my letter.”
“We both do. He may be wild and crazy but he has a big heart. He even made sure that it was just going to be the five of us plus Honor and Josh for brunch in case we wanted to tell them about the baby.” He kisses me and steps away.
“Do you think he'd distract them so I can celebrate with my fiancé in bed all day?”
“No, I think he would find a way into the room to try and celebrate with us.”
“You're probably right” he says laughing. “Let's get ready. We'll surprise them all not just with the baby but also the engagement.”
“Sounds perfect. I love you Logan.”
“I love you Rory.”