If only you could live through me

1

Intro sort of thing

sorry I keep making new stories. I just finished my first one and as I reread some parts of it I realized it was all a pathetic attempt at writing for others when really I was mostly writing for myself. I lied. I lie a lot. I presented it as a story when really it was never more than a way to drown the monotony of my life in paragraphs about things that would never happen. so don't think of it as a story, but rather a psychological journal, because neither the characters not the plot were ever character or plot-based, as they should've been, but rather emotion-based.

the plot line never made any sense, and neither did the personalities of anyone involved, which is why id like you to stop labeling it as a book in your mind, because it isn't. it's an abstraction. I don't know how else to explain that, but anyway if you've got this far I apologize. you shouldn't have had to read any of that.

now, to the actual point of this book, as I was saying, I realized I'd been writing for myself in the past, but making it look like it was all for others, which just made everything such an ambiguous mess that pleased no one.

I won't make that mistake again. now I'm not lying to anybody else.

this is me, and you're pretty much entering my raw brain. I'm done filtering things with the potential to grow or make me grow if I just understood them.

don't try to understand everything in here. as I said, I'm writing for myself, and as long as I can get all this shit out of my now dull brain I don't care how the message comes across.

this is perhaps the only chance anyone will ever get to live through me, so I'm not responsible for the way you handle it.

disclaimer: I'm not claiming. I know any better than anyone else, and I'm not saying my way of thought is right. this book won't always express my actual opinion as it will literally consist on thoughts I have that I consider important throughout the day, which doesn't equal thoughts I've already accepted as my own,, let alone permanent convictions. I will also probably touch so many points on philosophy, but I won't claim to know about that either, again, this book is a simple tool of raw thought I'll use to gain a better understanding of myself. have a nice day/evening/whatever.