The Suicide Project

Chapter 5: Christopher

  "Urgh!" I stumble along the sidewalk, clinging on to my bags. My blonde bangs fall on my face. I have about six, and am loaded down with clothes, makeup, and accessories. Trust me, its hard to carry that all by yourself. I did a lot in the past five hours. 

After finishing my hair at the salon, I walked to the nearest eye medical, and purchased some colored contact lenses. They are between sapphire blue and emerald green, looking very pretty, like a sea stone. It took me about an hour to figure out how to put contacts on, and when I finally did, I looked beautiful. It feels weird to see the world through contacts though. 

After that, I hit the mall, where I bought makeup that compliments my shades. I hit the clothing stores after buying pounds of lip gloss, eye shadow, blush, bronzer, primer, foundation, lipstick, mascara, eye liner, and concealer. There, I bought the kind of clothes I know girls at my school wear. Designer jeans, Uggs, patterned shirts, jean jackets, tanks, twirly skirts and strapless dresses. After coming out, I put on a ruffled royal blue tube top along with mini black shorts and black laced boots. To go along with it, I put on concealer, bronzer, blue eye shadow, black mascara, blush, and pink lipstick. I was clueless about makeup before but the shop lady gave me some help and useful tips. I learned a lot from it.   

  I'm on my way home now, and I feel myself rise as a new person. Stunning, thin, attractive. Random boys around me keep on whistling or trying to catch my eye. I have to live up to my part, so I flirtatiously smile back at them. Huh. It's actually quite fun. Maybe that's why Natasha always does it. 

 I realize that I haven't eaten lunch yet, and I'm left with only about five dollars. Oh well, maybe Mr. Lambert will give me some lunch when I come home. Then again, it is almost five o 'clock. Maybe I should just skip straight to dinner... 

"Uhmp!" I knock straight into a person and drop my bags, items spilling around me. Oh great  

  "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" I look up to see a... pretty handsome guy. He has copper coloured hair falling into green eyes. 

Just like mine. 

Wait. Those were my fake eyes. My REAL eyes are a dull brown. His eyes are real. Unlike me. But his eyes sparkled before.Now they look dull and blank, without any emotion showing in them. Wait. I know who he is. He is only the most popular boy in my grade, Christopher Embory. Full on straight As, athletic, yet has never dated anyone before. He used to tutor me back in Junior High. I bite my lip. I feel uncomfortable around him. He was my first crush, and I made the biggest mistake of my life.   

  I told him I loved him. 

I still remember the day...   

  "Chris! Chris!" I went running up to my best friend. He enwrapped me in a hug. 

"Alex!" he laughed, ruffling my hair. "Hey there!" 

"Thanks for tutoring me today, even though you had a football game..." 

"It's not problem Alex," he smiled, putting an arm around me. "That math test is more important. Let's go inside." He guided me inside, laughing and joking. I felt my heart thump. He was amazing. He was like a hero to me because he stood those down who bullied me. He was my best friend. But I had liked him this whole year. I needed to tell him. It's been going on for months. Chris was my best friend. He'd understand, right...?

 "Chris, I have to tell you something," I said as we walked in my house. 

"Shoot Alex," he nodded, getting our books out. 

"Chris I... I..." 

"Alex, is everything ok?" He looked concerned now. Oh, he was so sweet  

 "Chris I... I think I like you!" I blurted out. 

Christopher took a step back, like he had really been hit. He stared at me, puzzled, then realization showed in his face. The school loser liked him. In other words, his best friend. I saw the look on his face and was scared. He piled books in his bag, then zipped it. 

"Christopher..." 

"I... Alex, I need to think about this." He gave me a pained look. "I... I don't know if we can be friends anymore." 

"What?" I gasped, tears forming in my eyes. 

"I just need some space and time," he said hurriedly before rushing out of the house.  

 My broken, beat up house. 

Just like me and my heart. 

  After that, he ignored me, stopped tutoring me, and never spoke to me again. It broke my heart. I never had another crush after that. He was my only friend, my best friend, my only inspiration. He was the one who stood up for me when others bullied me. When he ignored me like everyone else, I was devastated. 

These days he keeps to himself mostly, never showing any interest in dating. Yet because of his good looks, he's in the popular group, constantly seen with Natasha, who usually flirts with him. He never reacts to it.

  "I'm sorry," I finally say, drawing myself out of the memory. "I'm sorry Christopher."

 And his eyes. 

"No, I bumped into you." Christopher hands me my bags. "Here you go — wait a second. How do you know my name?" 

My heart thumps. Have I just ruined this project already? "Sorry." I clear my throat. "Y‐You just look a lot like someone I used to know. That was is name." Technically I'm not lying. Nobody can use that against me.   

He stares me. "You look... familiar. Have we met?" 

I restrain from gulping. "No." 

"You look around my age, but I never saw you before. You new here?" 

"Yeah," I nod, relaxing my nerves a bit. "I'm starting at Stonewall High next Tuesday. I'm going into 12th."

 "Oh." Christopher walks off, without any expression at all. My heart gives a pang. I feel like calling out, saying that I'm that loser Alex who "committed suicide". But then he suddenly turns around, and then calls out, "What's your name? I'm going into 12th too. 

I take a deep breath. This name reflects on what I'm going to be called for months. 

 "Colleen. Colleen Elliot."