The Suicide Project

Chapter 9: The Funeral

  Today is the day of my "funeral." I hope to go, because this will be the place where I will see how people will react the most.School gets off early and I walk the two blocks down the street where Mr. Lambert picks me up. 

"Are you going to the funeral?" I ask. 

"Yes, it seems that I have to," he nods. I ask no more questions and get down from the car when he pulls up, running intothe house. There I apply the makeup nicely on my face, still thinking about Christopher. I feel like he's a two faced liar all ofa sudden. I suddenly realize it. They all are. They were so mean to me before I "died," and suddenly when I'm gone they saynice things about me? 

It applies to everyone, my parents, Christopher, Natasha. They all were just saying that because now they have no one topick on. They are all lousy, two faced liars. 

I feel red hot, and I don't want to go to the funeral anymore, but I stand up and force myself to. I still need to see whatother people think of me, people who cared.   

Only now I can't think of any at the moment. 

Still, that doesn't give me a reason not to go, so I put on a strapless black dress, put on some eyeliner, mascara, andbronzer, before slipping into black heels and walking downstairs. Mr. Lambert is dressed nicely as well, and he just motionsfor me to get in the car. We drive to the church and he drops me off two blocks from there. I'm forced to start walking inthese stupid heels. 

"Colleen! Need a ride?" I see a long, black car smoothly pull up beside me. The window rolls down and it's Natasha. Sheflips her platinum blonde hair to the side. "Sure," I reluctantly agree, getting in. This is practically a limo. Her driver pulls up in about ten seconds, because it was onlytwo blocks. Natasha and I get down from the car. I finally ask, "Why are you going to this girl's funeral? You were kindamean to her."  

"I know." Natasha looks guilty. "I just did that because... I don't know. But I feel terrible." 

Lies. 

"I'm sure you do," I comfort. 

Lie. 

"May and the others feel just as bad." 

Lie. Lie. Lie. 

"Hey um, Colleen?" I turn around to see Christopher. I stare coolly at him. 

"Hey Christopher." My heart isn't beating wildly now. I will never fall in love with a two faced person who lies to keep up hisreputation. Then again, he has been avoiding the other populars...

"Um, will you sit by me?" He is not stammering, but he seems a little nervous. 

"Sure," I nod and Natasha gives me a wink. I turn to her. "I'll see you guys after the funeral." 

I go with Christopher and we sit down and listen to the preacher talk about what an amazing person I was and how I will bemissed dearly. 

Lie. 

One by one, people come up, telling how they secretly thought I was amazing.Lies.Natasha comes up and tells how she actually feels terrible for doing what she did to me. May and the rest of the gangcome up and say the exact same thing. 

 Lie. Lie. Lie. Why were they even here? 

Finally, it's Christopher's turn to speak. "I knew this girl," he says. "She built me up, and when she died it tore me down. Iwould never have gotten to where I was without her." 

 And that's all. He just feels guilty. He doesn't care about my death. 

"Anyone else?" asks the preacher. The room is silent. "Well, that's it I‐""Wait! Wait!" 

A figure comes hurrying up towards the platform, panting. I gasp. 

It's Randy.

 "Go ahead," says the preacher. 

My breath hitches. Randy clears his throat and begins to speak. "All of you, I want you to know something. This girl, hername was Alex Parker, but none of you ever called her that. You called her ugly, fat, stupid, coward. One of you even toldher to go die." Everyone falls silent. Randy continues. "But this girl, she had so much more going on in her life. Her parentsabused her, they lived in a rundown old shack, she was underfed, she was beaten. So many people have left her alone, and Ibet all of you in this room did too. Yeah, that's right. You all did. But Alex, where ever you are, and if you're in heaven, Imean it when I say I love you."

"I love you too." Anne, his wife, steps forward. 

"I love you Alex." His daughters also step forward. 

"Don't ever be mean like that again!" screams Laura, one of hisdaughter. Randy clears his throat again. "And now, her parents would like to speak. The truth." 

He and his family step aside and there ‐ right there ‐ my parents come on stage. My dad sighs. "Friends, family, and others.I admit it. We weren't the best parents. We... we abused our poor daughter." My dad wipes tears from his eyes. They're real.I know it. I've never seen him like this before. Beside him, my mother is also crying. "So we've given up alcohol for good. I'mso sorry Alex. Our... Our baby girl." Words choke him and my mom steps up. 

 "Know that it is never ok to treat anyone like this," she says. "We made mistakes that cannot be erased. And... we'll alwayslove you Alex. I love you. I love you so much from the bottom of my heart." 

These words make their way in my mind. I'm tearing up. My mom gets off the stage and at that moment I run out of theroom. I run through the halls outside, somehow doing it in my heels.

 Outside I tear them off and lean against the back wall of the church, where no one can find me. I place my head in myhands and sob hard, tears coming out fast. I gasp in deep breaths as I hiccup, unable to stop myself.

"Colleen?" I see someone standing in front of me. It's Christopher. I wipe the tears off my face.

"What?" I glare. 

"I just wanted to ask if you were ok." 

"I'm fine," I say harshly, marching off. 

Lie, lie, lie.