The Suicide Project

Chapter 6: Last Night

 "Hey, Alex are you alright?" 

"Hmm? Yeah I'm fine. And don't call me that. My name is Colleen now." 

"Colleen?" Mr. Lambert asks again. 

I nod. "I can't just be called Alex or else everyone would know. So my new name is Colleen Elliot."

"Where'd you think up that name?" 

 I shrug. "Just out of the blue. Colleen is what I wish I was named, and the last name I just made up on the spot." 

"I see. And what was the reason to?" Mr. Lambert raises an eyebrow. 

 I shuffle my feet uneasily. "I ran into a person from school and I just had to think of something fast." My gaze drops and I let out a soft sigh. 

 I stare at the floor as I push my dinner around on my plate. Ever since I got home, I've been thinking about Christopher. He completely ditched me. It was like we were never best friends since childhood. And yet, even through all that rejection,there's something so bizarre even for me. 

I still like him. 

A lot .

 He made some of the best years of my life, but he also made the worst. Now he's part of that stupid, stupid popular group with the jerks and bitches who take over the school... 

"Ale‐ Colleen, are you sure everything is alright?" Mr. Lambert asks again. He must see the vacant expression on my face.Dinner tonight is simple, just shrimp and potato salad along some garlic bread. And it's delicious as usual. It's that I'm just not hungry. I realize that I'm becoming spoiled. The old Alex would have killed for a meal like this. I find myself toying with a piece of garlic bread and remind myself that it's not polite to do that to food. I down the piece in a single swallow. 

 "Yeah, I told you, everything is fine," I smile in what I hope to be a reassuring way, before picking up my plate ‐ still holding bits of my dinner ‐ depositing it in the sink. I turn around. "I think I'll turn in early for the night. 

Good night.""Night Colleen," he says back, before dumping his own plate in the sink. 

I yawn as I fall on my bed. I read for a while before turning out the lights. I've had a long day, making myself a different person. seeing my old ex best friend again. I turn over in my bed and fall asleep.   

* * * * * *

  I wake up the next morning, feeling some sort of melancholy. I feel almost guilty for doing this project, but curiosity over comes it. I spend the whole day alone in the house. Mr. Lambert is out running errands, so I do what I can to occupy myself. I flip through the most bizarre channels on TV, from Dora the Explorer to Final Destination 5. I finally settle down on a show that's pretty good, called Psych. It's about these two funny guys who are really stupid but also really good detectives. But my favorite character so far is Shawn. I wish I can be like him. Funny, bold, carefree, not caring what people say. And yet, he's respected by so many people.

I watch TV the whole day, only making myself a sandwich for lunch, and finally at 6:00 Mr. Lambert returns, loaded with grocery bags and other things.

  "Sorry I was gone for so long," he apologizes. "I needed to get stuff for our class this week as well as groceries." 

"That's ok," I say. 

"I brought home dinner." He sets a pizza box down on the table. Eagerly, I look at it and I can see an amused smile tugging at my teacher's lips. He opens the box and a waft of the food drifts into my nose. It smells like bread and cheese and meats and vegetables. I look down and see mushrooms and pepperoni half drowned in the slightly bubbling cheese. My stomach rumbles and Mr. Lambert gives me a knowing smile.

  "Sorry, I've just never had it before," I admit. Burgers? Yes. Fries? Yes. Fraps? Maybe once or twice (Christopher knew that I loved them). Pizza? Never. I have never had it in my whole life, and when I bite into it, I'm not surprised to find out that it's totally amazing. 

"This is delicious," I mumble through my fifth slice. That's when I realize how disgusting I must look. I feel grease all over my face and my hands covered with cheese and pizza sauce. "Sorry. I must be having the worst table manners now."

My teacher just shakes his head and lets me eat as much as I want. 

I go up to my room after eating, filled with curiosity about something. I switch on the computer in my room. My parents must have found the suicide note by now. I want to see if it's famous enough to be on the news. It probably isn't, knowing my parents they probably would have just thrown it away by now. But still, it's good to give it a shot. I might find something.  

  I search up Alex Parker on Google, and the first thing that comes up is "Alex Parker suicide". What? Hurriedly, I click on it to see a news article titled for this morning plus a video. I click on the video. 

"Last Friday night a mother and father found a note left by their daughter Alex Parker. In the note it claimed that she committed suicide. Police officials came the next morning and are now looking for the body but it hasn't been found yet,suspecting murder. Alex is a fourteen girl who went to Stonewall High. People at her school were investigated. She was last seen wearing a blue sweater, black leggings, and black boots. She has long brown hair and brown eyes. I'm Carla Gomez on FOX News."  

  The video ends and I fall back in my chair. My parents reported me to the police? The couple I known would have just thrown it away or not given any thought to it. But obviously I am wrong.

 I crawl into bed, thinking. Do my parents really love me? They haven't proved in anyway that they did. And yet they do.That video is the sheer proof of it. I bite my lip as I feel a tear run down my cheek. 

No matter which life I'm in, I'm always miserable.