Toy Soldier {ManxManxMan}

CHAPTER 1

There was always this one verse my Bible study teacher would say whenever two of the kids would get into a fight, usually over something petty like crayons being stolen during quiet time: treat others the way you want to be treated. That was a simple enough rule to follow, right? If you want people to be nice to you, then you be nice to them, and so on. So then I had to wonder, what was it with people sacrificing themselves for me?

First Ronnie so heroically shoves me out of the way of a collapsing building, getting crushed in the process, and now Demi throws himself at a group of murderous psychopaths just to give me a few moments to escape Con Rồng's grimy clutches. Did they expect something out of this? Was it a golden rule manipulation? They were trying to trick me into owing them something? Nothing made sense!

I wasn't worth it! There was nothing special about me, I was just some bratty kid with authority issues, what have I ever done in my life to warrant people caring so much about me that they were willing to lose their lives or put their sanity on the line just to keep me safe? I hated it, because I couldn't do a damn thing about it.

I wasn't strong enough to do anything, I wasn't brave enough, I acted so tough and calm and collected, but I was just a kid who still got nightmares, I was still scared of the dark, and spiders freaked me out. Sure, I was a better shot than Cass was, I was willing to shoot a man or a woman if I seriously had to, because there was nothing else I could do, but what good was that when everyone I wanted to protect kept sacrificing themselves for me?!

The guilt and self-loathing was heavy in my chest as I shoved the back exit of the bunker open with a loud creak, panting from the strain of running like a lunatic as I looked over my shoulder to make sure I wasn't being followed by Vinet or Roy, or whoever that third man had been, before sprinting away. The tears were burning my already raw eyes as I grit my teeth and just ran, uncertain of where I was going or how long I would have to run before I got there, or if I'd even be safe. All I knew was I had to get to a radio so I could contact Kailas and the rebellion. I had to get help and get Demi out before they hurt him, before they traumatized him even worse than he'd been when we first met.

He'd been so jumpy; every action was based solely on raw instinct and nothing more. There was no humanity in him, no conscience, the only time I ever saw any kind of life in him was when he was around Kailas, usually protecting him, otherwise he was nothing but a mannequin. I didn't trust him, and why would I? Everything I'd been through had given me trust issues anyway, and I'd heard plenty of negative things about the Con Rồng from the moment those bombs fell on my hometown, I couldn't willingly trust anyone.

When I first met Kailas, I couldn't trust him for months. I don't know why, maybe because he was so nice, and somehow that made him untrustworthy, maybe I was scared because everyone who was ever nice to me ended up dead or hurt, and I didn't want him turning up the same way. Well, after a few months, getting attached to him, a dangerous mix of trust, loneliness, and mourning, ended up with me throwing myself at him and tearing my clothes off.

I just wanted to mask the pain, I wanted to forget Ronnie, for just a moment I wanted to pretend I was in love again. I wasn't, not really, it was just me trying to force myself to live like Ronnie said I should, he wanted me to fall in love again and I tried, for a while I almost did, then Demi showed up. I guess it took an assassin to show me that when Ronnie told me to fall in love again, he didn't mean go off and get married.

He just wanted me to have connections, family, somewhere I could feel safe and happy. I found it, I just didn't realize it until Demi showed up. Like he wanted, I was in love, with the rebellion and my friends. I loved them all so much I was willing to risk everything for them. Just like Demi, just like Ronnie, I had something I wanted to live and risk dying for. Someone I considered my brother, someone I was forced to leave behind.