Toy Soldier {ManxManxMan}

CHAPTER 39

I don't think I've ever been this irritated and angry at someone before in my life, which is saying something when you took into consideration the fact I was a high-level gunman in a freaking rebellion fighting against post war American government. Being angry and moody was sort of my thing, but half the time I was just lying it on thick to mess with the people around me (it's fun to watch Arthur self-implode when I start whining about the food). With Efren, I felt this legitimate dislike stemming from an honest opinion that he was a fucking piece of shit.

Ever since that utter disaster of a spar between Demi and his douchebag cousin, I hadn't seen our rehabilitating assassin anywhere. He hadn't left his room in days, and the only reason I knew he was eating was because Kailas and Arthur made sure to bring food to him. I wasn't sure if it had been Demi's decision to completely avoid everyone (he could be violent and unpredictable when he was scared or frustrated), or if Kailas had decided it for him, but I hadn't seen him in a week at least.

I wasn't the only one who was growing increasingly worried, either. Ian especially was incredibly on edge, Maggie kept bugging me asking if Demi was alright and what the hell had happened, Lailani was constantly wringing her hands and pulling Kailas aside to get an update whenever our leader left his room, which was rarely. He was trying to stay as close to Demi as he could, especially after what had happened.

The last time I asked him if Demi was alright, he just sighed, a hand running through his hair as he claimed he was physically fine, the little cuts he'd received were healing quickly and he was eating and sleeping like he should. He even promised that Demi seemed to be mentally stable, and not freaking out or having any panic or anxiety attacks, which was good to hear.

Evidently the most Demi had been doing was sitting in the armchair in the bedroom leaning towards the window with his sketchbook in hand, or curled onto one end of the couch in the receiving room. He'd been sketching a lot, and when Kailas asked, Demi had simply mumbled he was trying to figure something out, so he wanted to be alone.

I wanted to ask more questions, insist Kailas let me see his lover, but decided not to push it. Kailas looked stressed as it was, worried and frustrated, and when Kailas was frustrated, he couldn't think straight. I'd never heard him really raise his voice or yell before, but I was certain that if I kept bugging him, he may snap. Demi was a soft spot for him after all. I decided to just leave them both be. They would take care of each other.

Even so, it was agonizing not knowing if Demi was really okay, and I certainly wasn't fun to be around when I was pacing my room biting my nails, looking at all the piles of books on the floor before throwing my arms up and complaining that none of that astronomical shit would fix anything. I felt a little sorry for Orion and Beckett, who tried to keep me calm and distracted only for me to whine like a child.

I mean, I was technically a child I guess, but my birthday was only a week away. When that realization hit me, I had to completely stop and stare at the wall. It was such a bizarre thing, that I was technically nineteen. I looked a lot different than I had when I was younger. My face wasn't as soft and childish, there were lines in my face and scattered scars here and there. I probably needed to cut my dark brown hair, because it was getting in my eyes, hazel brown with swirls of gold and a little green that was barely noticeable.

My skin had gotten a little darker too, likely from all the field work and being in the sun so much. Not as dark as Beckett's of course, but it was a decent tan. I looked pretty hot actually, but decided not to say that out loud. Orion would have a field day if I told him I was hot. Beckett would probably just laugh. They both sucked.

In the week that Demi was busy having his existential crisis, I was busy training in the arena, talking with Maggie while blatantly avoiding certain subjects (like Ronnie and my relationship with Beckett and Orion), dodging Carina, who claimed he "just wanted to talk", though the look on his face told me he wanted to laugh at me, probably for falling for his ass of a brother, and enjoying my time with the very annoying but frustratingly sexy men who lived in my bed with me.