The Gift of Nothing | ✓

Dead and Alive

Chapter 6 | Dead and Alive

Theo,

I don't have an actual reason as to why I'm writing to you. You, of all people. After all, you're dead and I'm alive. But maybe this is my way of holding onto you just a little longer, even though it's been three years. Three long, emotionally exhausting years. And it was all because of you.

You were a coward. If you thought that suicide was an act of bravery, then you were an idiotic coward. If you were brave, you would've turned around and shot socket with their own gun. Instead, you were weak. You let them win by shooting you over and over again. You slipped away without fighting. Simple as that.

You played a cruel joke on our family, but I assure you that in later years, I will look back and laugh at this. As sadistic as this sounds, I will slowly start caring less. I will think about how pathetic you death was, and how it was just an act of fear. You weren't brave or courageous or strong, just weak-minded. But you're still gone, and I'm still upset.

I don't want to talk about this crap. I don't want to express my emotions that were caused by your death. I just want every good and bad thing that happened this week off my chest.

I got detention on Monday. It was because I was wandering the halls when I should've been in English class. But people are too much. I went to this bookstore after detention, A New Chapter, and I met four people who shouldn't be seen together.

They're a group of stereotypes. Reece Collins is a bad boy while his sister, Lizzy, is a nerd. Kate Roberts is a cheerleader, and she is dating Luke Montgomery, a jock. An odd bunch, really. Ignoring each other by day, and best friends by night.

And I don't really trust them.

Mom and Dad left to go to Germany for a month, leaving me in peace and neglect. I don't think it's legal to leave a sixteen-year-old by herself. They probably just thought that I'm your eighteen-year-old self. I wonder now, do you even age after death?

What I'm trying to say is that my last encounter with them wasn't exactly... pleasant. I left Dad glaring at me and Mom crying, wishing death upon me. Or so I think. Just because I mentioned your stupid name. But that's okay now because they're both gone. All tension is gone. I feel free.

But them leaving caused a lot more time to think. I miss their old selves. The ones who smiled secretly in our direction and laughed at us being immature. Now, they're all cold and stony, pushing me pass the limit. I'm like their puppet, but they can't control me just yet. I wish you didn't kill yourself, everything would've been better.

I'm conflicted.

Thanks for listening, I guess. I'll burn this letter now.

-- Chancellor

~*~*~*~*~*~

The weather outside wasn't too bad, only forty or so degrees. The frost from last night was slowly melting away, leaving puddles everywhere. The sun was dully shining and the ind was lightly breezing by, causing shivers to go up my back. Everything sounded distant and at peace, like there was a nothingness in something. For a Friday, it had an unusual calm feeling to it.

I chose to walk today, letting my thoughts flutter in and out, consuming me. The slightly cold air bit at my fingers as I held my book to my chest. The walk was a little long, fifteen or so minutes, partially because I was taking my sweet time. When I finally got to school grounds, I felt more aware of my surroundings. Lizzy was chatting with her friends, Kate and Luke were holding hands as they walked towards the school, and Reece was casually standing by his motorcycle, typing away at his phone.

I brushed pass Reece, not bothering to look at him. I was a few feet ahead of him before I felt my phone vibrate. Fishing out my phone, I saw a text from the bad boy himself.

Good morning :)

I looked back discreetly before continuing on.

Right back at ya.

I guess the message made me feel better than before.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The day dragged on. My classes were easy but boring. The day was fine, aside from listening to the teachers drone on and on about material we already learned the week before. All in all, it went by smoothly, that is, until lunch. Usually, I go unnoticed by most people in the cafeteria, getting my food and getting out as fast as possible. But somehow, I managed to run into the Queen Bitch.

She wasn't a cheerleader like Kate. In fact, she wasn't anything like Kate, period. The Queen Bitch, Maria Santiago, only strived with money and fed on royalty. She was popular because she stuck herself up there, near the top of the social groups. Maria had an impatience and condescending attitude, and thought too highly of herself.

Anyway, Maria shoved me after I bumped into her, causing me to stumble and fall to the ground. She bent down real low to glare at me, and it you looked closely, you could see the swirls of disgust towards me in her eyes. And her caked makeup, but that's beside the point. "You are so dead, mutt!"

"Dead? Great, now I can haunt your ass down!" I sarcastically replied, rolling my eyes as I pushed myself off the cafeteria floor.

"You'll regret talking back to me! I can make your life a living hell!"

You standing so close to me is a living hell. I gave her a blank stare before snorting. Then I let out a full guffaw, which surprised her. "This isn't Mean Girls, your highness." With that, I walked away.

The rest of the day, people stared at me and whispered, thinking that I couldn't see or hear them at all. But I held my chin up, despite what anyone had said. Maria was scared of me, just like a lot of other people. I just wasn't afraid to fight back. Her threats were meaningless. She knew that I could demolish her before she could even think. Maria thought she was brave, like a hero, but she wasn't. She was just hiding behind her snarky and so-called powerful comments.

When it was an hour after school, I walked down the familiar street and into the familiar bookstore. As usual, everyone else was there before me, loudly talking amongst themselves. I sat on the couch, tucking my feet underneath me, slightly smiling. They all continued talking for a few more moments, while I pulled out The Great Gatsby, and started to read.

They conversation started to dwindle, causing me to look up from my book. They were all looking at me until Luke spoke up, "You alright?" I averted my eyes towards him, a genuinely concerned expression on his face, "About everything that happened in lunch?"

"Yeah, it's all good. Maria was trying too hard to scare me. It didn't affect me at all, honestly." I added after seeing their hardened stares.

But like I said before, the Queen Bitch didn't affect me. Instead, it made me feel powerful for some odd reason, like there was no possible way that I'd back down. And I knew that Lizzy, Reece, Kate, and Luke were all in the cafeteria when it happened. I assumed they were tensed up, knowing they couldn't help me at all. But they also knew that I could fight my own battles.

"I have to say, that was pretty badass." Reece said, adding comic relief to the long pause in our conversation. He wasn't smirking, but smiling at me. I'm sure all of them approved of what I did, but they wouldn't outright say it.

"Yeah?"

"Most definitely!" Lizzy exclaimed, cutting her twin off from answering. Kate was making these wild gestures, as if she was trying to express her words like that. I think I was grinning like an idiot by this time. "After you left, Maria shrieked really loudly and then stomped off to who knows where."

I let out a snort and then a few light laughs, "Damn, I must've been awesome."

"You were."

Thank you.