Princesses of Equestria

Chapter 10: Equus Nox

What the hay am I looking at?! was the first thing Prince Shining Armor thought upon entering Canterlot's courtyard. This was swiftly followed by: Holy clop! Armonia's summoned a giant tentacled tree monster to attack the palace! It had clambered down the mountainside with shocking speed, scaled the walls, and reached the lawn before the gobsmacked royal guards could flinch.

"To arms!" Shining Armor shouted and, following his own example, shot a lightning spell at the tree monster's center of mass.

"Stand down!" Cadance shouted more loudly, and blocked Shining's bolt with a ward.

For a stunned second, he couldn't figure out why she'd done that. Then he heard the animals. From inside the tree monster's writhing bowels came a menagerie's worth of chirps, hoots, meows, growls, clucks and barks. A rabbit gestured rudely out the window.

The window? Tree monsters don't have ... wait. That's not a tree monster. That's—

"Fluttercottage, take root!" Discord commanded, and put on the brakes. Fluttershy's cottage scuttled to a halt, burrowed its tentacled roots into the lawn, and was still. Satisfied, Discord sprang from the driver's seat on the porch, and nimbly landed before Shining and Cadance.

"Special delivery for Canterlot palace!" Discord announced, holding up a pen and clipboard he hadn't had a moment ago. "Let's see. We've got one enchanted autonomous treehouse, tick, one menagerie of animal critters plus assorted pets, tick tick, and ... oh yes! One chaos god chauffeur. Tick!" Discord passed his clipboard to Shining. The delivery invoice had a lot of zeroes on it. "That'll be one billion bits. Sign here, please. Cash or credit?" A stony silence. Shining didn't sign. Cadance didn't pay. "I.O.U.?"

"As in, 'I'll Obliterate You'?" Shining's horn lit hot enough to set the clipboard on fire. "Give me a reason, Discord. Please."

"Have an invoice instead." The smoldering clipboard was replaced by a card. Discord tossed it onto Shining's nose. It read: 'Smart mouth penalty tax: one quattuordecillion bits!' followed by a number containing so many zeroes that Shining's eyes hurt. "And speaking of I Owe Yous," Discord went on, ignoring Shining's outraged splutter, "wherever is dear Cutanddry?"

"Fluttershy," corrected Cadance smoothly, "Princess Twilight and the other bearers of Harmony's Elements are currently having a private and confidential meeting with Princess Celestia and Princess Luna to discuss—"

"Private and confidential meeting? Splendid! Can't wait to spy on it!" Discord floated for the throne room's window. He did this backwards, so he could wave goodbye and call: "Ta ta, Cad-dunce! Have fun holding off the horde of nightmarish fear elementals. Ta ta, Whining Harder! Do try not to get brainwashed into marrying any changeling queens again, won't you?"

Wedding bells rang from nowhere. "Dum dumb dumdum, dum dumb dum dum!" Humming in time to them, Discord saluted lazily, blew a kiss, and flew inside the palace.

"Cad-dunce?!" Shining's horn crackled with rage. "Alright, that's it! I'll—"

"Do your duty, and not let childish insults get under your pelt." Cadance took Shining's shoulder as he made to pursue Discord, and turned his face to hers. "Okay, Shining?"

Rage melted away. Battle magic faded. She was right, as usual. Duty came first. "Okay, Cadance."

"Thanks, honey." Cadance smiled, and nuzzled his cheek. Shining nuzzled her back. They had a little moment there.

Faint screeching sounded from afar. The moment ended. They parted, and made for the southern wall. A leap, a levitation spell, and they stood upon Canterlot's battlements.